Makin' Bacon

Today was my first official day back at work. I had prepped well the night before..laid out an outfit, organized my pumping supplies, parking pass and water bottle were good to go. Bridget was even kind enough to wake me an hour before I had to leave, so I had plenty of time to feed her and get ready. In my head, it all should have worked out. It didn't.

Bridget didn't eat well, so I had to pump before I left (see ya 15 minutes). I decided I didn't like how the outfit I'd picked out fit, so I decided on something else...needed to be ironed. Meant to grab a picture of the girls to keep with...slipped my mind. I realized this on the bus and it almost made me cry, but I had a book to distract me. I perked some coffee, but forgot to pour it in a cup. Decided I had just enough time to swing by 7-11 for a cup, but realized my credit card was in the diaper bag from my big grocery shopping extravaganza a couple of days ago. I never have cash, but managed to scrounge just enough for a cup. It's only decaf, but I really enough a warm cup in the morning (especially when there is freezing fog).

I arrived right on time and there was not a break all day. Lots of orientation stuff and paperwork. My head is swimming. It was nice to take a quick tour and see familiar faces. I got several you-look-familiar-but-can't-place-you looks until I said I was a student and pregnant. Ah ha!

I did find it a little lonely to return to work after having a baby, but spending my day with strangers that were clueless to that fact. It's a tough day for any mom, but it helps to have the support of colleagues to lean on and ask to see pictures.

On the super plus side, I had the comfort of knowing my babies were at home with their daddy. When I called to check in, all was quiet and peaceful . His voice was relaxed and reassuring (even if Bridget only ate an ounce all day). When I got home the kids were playing together, the dishes were done, laundry was clean...it's almost as if I wasn't needed at all. But then Autumn came running over to say how much she missed me; Bridget gave me smiles and ate and ate. Even Abigail asked me how the babies were and if they all arrive too early. I'm still needed and wanted and it's nice to be contributing to the family money pot, again.

I love you, Brian!

Religion vs Morals

I read a commentary in the local paper a couple of weeks ago that sparked a conversation between me and Brian. We discussed it again with a family friend that was visiting this weekend.


I can't find the article to find a direct quote, but the jist was this: The more religion has been removed from the classroom, the less moral generations of children have become. Brian and I recognize that this is part of an age old phenomenon at work. The older generations always look at the younger generation as being wilder, more confrontational and always challenging authority. "Kids grow up so much faster these days, " they might say. That may or may not be true, but this author attributes the downward spiral to a lack of religious influence.

Now, I am not going to argue that religions don't teach their followers morals. Do you really think I want to part with my $50 that easily? But the loud implication is that one can not be moral without the framework of religion to guide them or scare them into submission. Take your pick. I believe people are inherently good. I do believe in being good for goodness sake.

I am more motivated by my belief that my time on Earth is the only chance I've got. I am not being a moral person because of secret prize at the end. I am moral because it is the right thing to do, it betters the society in which I live, and there are no second chances. A lack of religion isn't leading to immoral behavior, a lack of morals is.

While religion may not be infused with our school system, that does not mean parents can't pass along these values at home. Our children are far more influenced by their families, than they are by their education. Besides, the older generations shouldn't place blame for the failings of the younger generation on the schools or religion before reflecting upon the role they contributed to how our generation turned out.

Makes me wonder what lessons will stick and won't stick to my kids over the years, despite my best intentions.

Dear Scrub Designer,

I am not a five year old little girl looking to wear cartoon characters on my tops.

Not all nurses become pediatric nurses which might justify wearing cartoon characters on their tops.

The unshapely boxy look is flattering for no one.

I do not want to flash my goodies every time I lean over to take care of my patients.

The ability to pull off wearing Pepto Bismol pink or purple pants ended when I went through puberty.

Elastic waist pants are something my grandmother would wear.

Drawstring pants give you a bunchy bottom and constantly have to be retied.

What's wrong with a button and a zipper like normal people? I'm sure men wearing scrubs would appreciate the zipper feature.

I do not think I can justify spending more money on scrub tops and pants, that will get covered in blood and body fluids, than I do on my everyday clothes.

All white...are you kidding me? I'm no scarey Nurse Ratched.

I am a professional and would like to buy a look that reflects that at a reasonable price.

All that said, you're likely to find me wearing a pink polka dot top with turquoise drawstring pants this winter because that's all they had in my price range. Way to start my nursing career looking like a tart.

Thankful

I am thankful for many things this year...

I am thankful my husband watched the kids this afternoon so that I could go see an afternoon movie...sorry the baby cried so much.

I am thankful that my family is healthy.

I am thankful I have a roof over my head. And not just any roof, the roof is attached to a home I love.

I am thankful for heat and nutritious food on the table.

I am thankful I have a job to start in less than 3 weeks.

I am thankful that my children are loving, thriving, and make my life fun.

I am thankful that my husband balances me out and is my biggest fan.

I am thankful that my husband is an awesomely hard worker, despite adversity.

I am thankful for good friends that I can be myself around.

I am thankful for love, life, liberty, and happiness.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Less Weighty Matters

I am psyched that I fit into my prepregnancy jeans (with room), have hit my breastfeeding weight (I accept 5 extra pounds for boobs, milk, and reserves), and I feel great. I still have my little cupcake to thank for my muffin top, but it's nothing pilates and a little time won't fix.

Just in time for holiday sweets.

Lazy Blogger

My husband argues that 'lazy' is not a word that he would ever use to describe me. Regardless, I have been slack about blogging. Mostly because I don't imagine anyone would find child rearing as interesting a topic as I do. How many times can I post about a good or bad night's sleep with an infant? The big girls are pretty easygoing. They have their moments, but really don't get into any notable antics.

We're gearing up for the holiday season and my return to full-time work. I am definitely concurrently very excited and sad at the same time. I know Bridget will be in good hands and will not starve, despite staunch refusal of the bottle. She's a smart cupcake and will figure out the whole bottle eating thing. I'll stress over sleepless nights combined with busy days. But I also know that I will love my job, love my coworkers and love that I can help contribute to this family's money pot.

In this day and age, women can do anything they want. I am happy to be a living example to my girls that you can get an education, you can have a career, you can be a mom and a friend and a wife. Schedules get hectic and stressful, but it can be done. I do not want them to see work as a chore. Even when I've had jobs I don't like, it is still my responsibility as an adult. A means to an end. Life isn't always easy, but I will take on the challenge to balance it all in an effort to fulfill my need to be immersed in science, my desire to be a happy person, and to give my children the world. I will miss my girls during the day, but I will not lay on the guilt when I leave the house. Dad's never feel guilty for going to work because they know it is an integral part of sustaining a family.

But don't get me wrong, on my days off I am going to be organizing playdates, overseeing homework, and snuggling my babies.

On that note, here are some pics of my cute babies that we took because Autumn is 4 (and then she'll 5 and then 6....she volunteers that to everyone who will listen).

Gramma's Birthday Brownie to Autumn

Daddy and Bridget Sitting Side-by-side

Monkey Party Games

"Autumn is 4. I'm very smart for my size."

Not a good picture of me, but it is such a rare event I figured I'd post it anyway.

I'm Amazed

I have seen enough in life, that there are few that surprise me. They may disappoint me or warm my heart or make me shake my head, but I've read enough news and seen enough crazy antics that the shock factor has greatly diminished.

Of course, all of this to say a few things have taken me by surprise of late. Like exactly how much weight my baby cupcake has packed on in just two short months. She is already 14 lb 5 oz! I never thought I would be so successful at breastfeeding or that my kids had it in them to be so plump and juicy. I am also still in mild shock over how easygoing she is. She sleeps like no child of mine ever has. Yesterday she got her 2 month vaccines and was irritable for about an hour that afternoon. It was the longest she has been fussy her whole life (with the exception of the torture that is the car). I was surprised at how much I missed her smiles when they returned later that evening.

I am also amazed at just how many bad things can happen to one family in a single year. I had visions of what life could be like this year....I'd graduate from school and then we'd be two-income earning family again. We would finally have time and money to have a baby, find our family and friends in good health, sign the girls up for sports and dance, buy a bigger car, maybe put a deck in the "backyard", get a cafe table for the kitchen so that all of us have a place to sit, a new wardrobe for Brian, and gasp....maybe even a family vacation to somewhere we've never been before. Needless to say, I wouldn't be blogging this if it had all come true.

The material things like cars and furniture are really meaningles when you put things in perspective. The vision quickly changed when Brian lost his job. The economy continued a downward spiral that has made it a challenge to find work in this town. Far too many friends and family have fallen ill or passed away this year. Brian is away this very moment at his grandmother's funeral. Cars have been totalled, marriages have fallen apart, housing prices have plummetted.

The truly amazing thing is how resilient I have discovered I can be and I've learned not to stress about the little things. So we are wedged into our car like sardines...it just keeps us close and at least I have a car. Our home value is in the toilet, but I love my house and it's big enough and I don't have to move any time soon. I secured a new grad nurse job amidst a hiring freeze and will work every weekend night if that is what I have to do to help keep this family afloat. Brian has relentlessly job hunted, received freelance work from generous friends and colleaugues all while being stay-at-home-dad while I finished up school. I appreciate that life can be simple again..who needs fancy sports leagues and expensive clubs when I've got playdates and sports equipment. We can teach the girls soccer ourselves and I love turning our living room into an impromptu dance club, "Say, Hey". We are a stronger family for our struggles.

I am thankful that we did, in fact, have a healthy baby girl added to our family. And even though we've survived this year, I look forward to the day that life is a little more secure, a little easier and a little roomier. When that day comes, I will be amazed.