So, I've been MIA for a bit because I've been working night shift. I was originally going to post my opinions after the first week, but I thought it best to give it some time before expressing my impression.
Honestly, it's not so bad...but I don't love it. The first week I must have had a rush of adrenaline because I didn't feel tired at all. After having three weeks under my belt, and one to go, it's really catching up wtih me. Even as I type this, my brain is fuzzy and finding it difficult to form a sentence. This is even after I got 9 hours of sleep last night.
Sleep aside, there are a lot of differences between working day shift and night shift. It's not that one is better than the other, they are just different. There are many factors that go into working one over the other...money, personality, work-life balance, needs of the unit, etc...
Here is what I have discovered so far:
There are fewer interruptions at night. For the most part, once you organize what needs to be done with your patients, very little changes. You may have to juggle an emergency or an admission, but you don't have meds being adjusted, PT swinging by, eye exams or families milling around for half the shift.
Night shift is a tight crew. They are definitely proud to be working nights and wouldn't have it any other way. No doubt, you have to know your stuff working nights. The docs go to sleep and it really forces you to employ all your skills before waking them to intervene.
Night shifters are night owls. They find ways to survive and thrive on ridiculously small amounts of sleep. They seem to enjoy not having the docs milling around. Great pride is taken in getting the bed tidy and making the babies all fresh and clean. They must be hiding an extra set of hands because I don't seem to have enough to weigh a baby and change linens for a baby on an oscillator all by myself. This is surely a skill that I will aquire with time.
Day shift is full of activity, verging on chaos. Rounds are in the mornings, adjustments are made to the plan of care, speech swings by to teach a baby to feed, PT works on positioning and body movements, education provides developmentally appropriate stimulation, plus emergencies, admissions and discharges. Drips/lines are changed steriley resulting in a tangled mess of spaghetti. Of course fluids never arrive early enough and this is done when you are trying to organize everything just before change of shift. Nurses step in and out for committee meetings or classes.
Day shifters have to be early birds. They are up before dawn, but don't get home until after their young kids are in bed.
So, after my time on both, I am decidely a day shifter. I like the activity. I like being a part of rounds, contributing to the plan of care, and gaining an understanding of my patients current diagnoses. I like being available for committee meetings and contributing to the changing practices on the unit. I like collaborating with all the disciplines on the unit. I do miss seeing the kids on the days I work. I leave the house at 6 AM and don't get home until 8:30. It's tough, but on my days off, I am full of energy. I get to see my husband and have a little down time, even on days that I work.
Somehow, Blogger timed out and I lost half my post 2 days ago. I've been working on this post for 3 days between interruptions, deletions and sleepiness. At this point, I'm just hoping the thoughts here are coherrent.
Being on night shift, I feel hungover, dehydrated and downright fuzzy headed ALL the time. The first week wasn't so bad. I thought, "hey, I can do this". The second week was tough, but I bounced back. The third week hit me like a mac truck and dragged me along for a few miles. I will start week four tonight. I think this will send me over the edge. Luckily, I am dayshift starting Friday. I know I will have to rotate onto nights after orientation, but I likely won't have to do it for a month at a time. Just a week or two in a row, every 6 weeks. That, I can manage. Of course, I am not above taking on more night shifts to make extra bank in the event we have not aquired a second source of predictable income. Brian has really been keeping us afloat with his freelance work, but it's so unreliable I view it more like bonus money, than income.
While it's great to see the kids more, I don't feel like I'm entirely present in the experience. I don't have the energy to suggest creative things or make the efforts to take them to the pool (knowing that I will be begging and pleading with them to get their faces wet the entire time). I get to see my husband, but it's surrounded by the usual hustle and bustle of homework/bath/and dinnertime for the kids. And forget getting a moment to myself. I've resorted to bringing my laptop upstairs with me when I go to bed to steal a quick glance at my email and cnn.com. I also don't think I make decisions as quickly on night shift. The brain is slow and sleepy. But, heck, the extra money is nice. And, I can park right next to the hospital instead of catching the bus.
At the end of the day (or night), I will just make do with whatever I have to work. It's income and it's a job I love. There are a lot of people who don't get to say that. Maybe it's not ideal, but it is my reality for now. I've just got to get myself through Wednesday at 7:30 AM. I think I can, I think I can.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Whip It...Into Shape
The last couple of years I've spent anxiously awaiting the next milestone to acquire things that I want. Such as, we'll go on a nice vacation when I'm done with grad school or we'll replace our broken televisions once Brian gets a more consistent source of income. I keep putting more kitchen seating on the back burner waiting for the day that I don't have to deliberate if it's an appropriate time to buy something. This blog is me saying I could wait until the cows come home for those material things. But, there is something I bought that just could not wait any longer.
I signed the whole family up for a gym membership. Despite my belief that the gym is overpriced, I really can't place a price tag on my health and fitness. Exercise is my meditation. It makes me more relaxed, content, and better able to handle all the rest of it. Not only is it good for my mental and physical health, I think it's good for the whole family. Brian gets a much happier and svelte wife. The girls get to see their parents leading a healthy lifestyle that they will hopefully acquire themselves.
I was at the gym yesterday and today painting an idyllic picture in my head of how life changing this could be. For starters, the gym has built in babysitting services for up to 2 hours a day. That's more than enough time for me to get in a workout or a steam or yoga class or a coffee. No more juggling who or when the kids will be watched so that I can get a 30 minute walk in around the neighborhood. Autumn loves the play area. She can crawl through tunnels, play with dolls, paint pictures, or run into her buddies. The jury is still out if Abigail likes it. Since she's older, she has access to a gym with basketballs, moon bounce, Wii, DDR, dolls, coloring, PlayStation... I have to give her credit today for being tossed into a room full of strangers, the boys outnumbered the girls 5:1, and she had a good time. I would have been petrified of that scenario as a kid. Heck, that terrifies me now. But she is agreeable and sociable and able to find a friend wherever she goes. I haven't gotten up the courage to leave Bridget yet, but even she is old enough to partake in the excitement.
Yesterday, I was watching people walk around the indoor track. On a Friday afternoon at 3, there was a large majority of people over the age of 60. Something about seeing so much activity was inspiring. There was a business man in his suit and sneakers walking. There was an elderly man curling free weights while balanced on a Bosu board. There was one grandmother there with her grandsons. The boys were all of 4 and 7. They were running around the track, while the grandmother kept pace with them. It was sweet to see the older generations pass along something good to the little ones.
There is are three saltwater pools and a hot tub. Between me, Brian, and the Kid Zone, we should be able to juggle the kids enough to teach them to swim. Brian is an excellent swim instructor and hopefully he can get both of the big kids swimming by end of summer. Bridget can even get a taste of the warm water pool.
The basketball courts have family hours where they lower the hoops so that the kids have a chance at making a shot. Our girls are pretty tall. Maybe we can plant the seed for sports early. At the very least, give them the opportunity to explore what they might be good at. They even have group classes for kids 7 and up, including a karate fit class.
I know reality isn't as rosy as the picture I am painting, but I feel great about getting back into the gym. I just want to feel stronger again and take advantage off the things my body can accomplish, if I just push myself to try.
I signed the whole family up for a gym membership. Despite my belief that the gym is overpriced, I really can't place a price tag on my health and fitness. Exercise is my meditation. It makes me more relaxed, content, and better able to handle all the rest of it. Not only is it good for my mental and physical health, I think it's good for the whole family. Brian gets a much happier and svelte wife. The girls get to see their parents leading a healthy lifestyle that they will hopefully acquire themselves.
I was at the gym yesterday and today painting an idyllic picture in my head of how life changing this could be. For starters, the gym has built in babysitting services for up to 2 hours a day. That's more than enough time for me to get in a workout or a steam or yoga class or a coffee. No more juggling who or when the kids will be watched so that I can get a 30 minute walk in around the neighborhood. Autumn loves the play area. She can crawl through tunnels, play with dolls, paint pictures, or run into her buddies. The jury is still out if Abigail likes it. Since she's older, she has access to a gym with basketballs, moon bounce, Wii, DDR, dolls, coloring, PlayStation... I have to give her credit today for being tossed into a room full of strangers, the boys outnumbered the girls 5:1, and she had a good time. I would have been petrified of that scenario as a kid. Heck, that terrifies me now. But she is agreeable and sociable and able to find a friend wherever she goes. I haven't gotten up the courage to leave Bridget yet, but even she is old enough to partake in the excitement.
Yesterday, I was watching people walk around the indoor track. On a Friday afternoon at 3, there was a large majority of people over the age of 60. Something about seeing so much activity was inspiring. There was a business man in his suit and sneakers walking. There was an elderly man curling free weights while balanced on a Bosu board. There was one grandmother there with her grandsons. The boys were all of 4 and 7. They were running around the track, while the grandmother kept pace with them. It was sweet to see the older generations pass along something good to the little ones.
There is are three saltwater pools and a hot tub. Between me, Brian, and the Kid Zone, we should be able to juggle the kids enough to teach them to swim. Brian is an excellent swim instructor and hopefully he can get both of the big kids swimming by end of summer. Bridget can even get a taste of the warm water pool.
The basketball courts have family hours where they lower the hoops so that the kids have a chance at making a shot. Our girls are pretty tall. Maybe we can plant the seed for sports early. At the very least, give them the opportunity to explore what they might be good at. They even have group classes for kids 7 and up, including a karate fit class.
I know reality isn't as rosy as the picture I am painting, but I feel great about getting back into the gym. I just want to feel stronger again and take advantage off the things my body can accomplish, if I just push myself to try.
Friday, March 12, 2010
A Blog Exclusive
The Many Faces of Autumn
Sweet
Silly
Super Silly
What do you mean I won't take a pacifier?
Sisterly Love
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Please Be Kind, Rewind
Some people have favorite books that they read over and over again. I have never felt compelled to reread a book. No matter how good they are, I bore of knowing what the next page holds. But, I can watch certain movies dozens of times, finding them just as engaging as the first time I watched them. I learn them word for word. Depending on the movie, I am overcome with nostalgia or catharsis or comfort or elation. It all began with the Sound of Music when I was 10. I never could figure out how to solve a problem like Maria. I loved that movie so much, I tried to convince my husband to name our daughters Gretel or Marta. Who could watch that movie and not want a little Gretel of their own?
I added many to my list over the years.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun - I was twelve. My best friend and I would reenact the dance tryouts sequence. What were we thinking.
The Little Mermaid - I watched this over and over again in high school. Guess I was trying to hold onto my childhood just a little while longer.
Secret Admirer, The Princess Bride and The Breakfast Club- I actually suckered my brother into watching these with me. Every weekend we'd settle in for a late night viewing. When I met Brian, I was shocked that he had never seen The Breakfast Club. This movie is also the reason why I could never name our daughter Claire. It's a fat girls name. Maybe not presently fat, but destined to be fat.
The Fisher King- This is, by far, one of Robin Williams best films. The acting was superb.
The Cutting Edge - Who can forget Toe Pick? And, seriously, this is really just a dance movie on ice.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves- I had this soundtrack on tape (I know, I'm that old). I listened to it every night when I went to bed. I could literally visualize each scene as I heard the notes.
The Crow and Dazed and Confused- Two constants my freshman year of college. I found myself an optimist surrounded my close group of pessimists. Not sure what they saw in me, but the experience was intense and unforgettable. I also learned to drink that year. Have a swig every time they say 'dude' and you'll be well on your way.
Titanic and Good Will Hunting- These came out right after I'd had my heart broken for the first time. The passion and emotion reminded me of my own labile feelings.
Ever After - adding another period piece to my repertoire.
Bring It On and Center Stage- Adding to my love of all things dance movies. Step Up 2: the Streets is of equal measure, but yet to be added to my DVD library. Maybe it 's because I never had dance lessons as a kid or my love of dance music. These just make me want to shake it.
Pride and Prejudice- (Matthew McFayden and Keira Knightley version) I'm watching this one as I type. The music is lovely. Just watching this movie makes me feel full of love and contented. All the stresses of life just melt away.
I am curious to know what new movies I will add over the years. Will my children find these films painfully dated and drab? What movies are your Watch-Rewind-Repeat list?
I added many to my list over the years.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun - I was twelve. My best friend and I would reenact the dance tryouts sequence. What were we thinking.
The Little Mermaid - I watched this over and over again in high school. Guess I was trying to hold onto my childhood just a little while longer.
Secret Admirer, The Princess Bride and The Breakfast Club- I actually suckered my brother into watching these with me. Every weekend we'd settle in for a late night viewing. When I met Brian, I was shocked that he had never seen The Breakfast Club. This movie is also the reason why I could never name our daughter Claire. It's a fat girls name. Maybe not presently fat, but destined to be fat.
The Fisher King- This is, by far, one of Robin Williams best films. The acting was superb.
The Cutting Edge - Who can forget Toe Pick? And, seriously, this is really just a dance movie on ice.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves- I had this soundtrack on tape (I know, I'm that old). I listened to it every night when I went to bed. I could literally visualize each scene as I heard the notes.
The Crow and Dazed and Confused- Two constants my freshman year of college. I found myself an optimist surrounded my close group of pessimists. Not sure what they saw in me, but the experience was intense and unforgettable. I also learned to drink that year. Have a swig every time they say 'dude' and you'll be well on your way.
Titanic and Good Will Hunting- These came out right after I'd had my heart broken for the first time. The passion and emotion reminded me of my own labile feelings.
Ever After - adding another period piece to my repertoire.
Bring It On and Center Stage- Adding to my love of all things dance movies. Step Up 2: the Streets is of equal measure, but yet to be added to my DVD library. Maybe it 's because I never had dance lessons as a kid or my love of dance music. These just make me want to shake it.
Pride and Prejudice- (Matthew McFayden and Keira Knightley version) I'm watching this one as I type. The music is lovely. Just watching this movie makes me feel full of love and contented. All the stresses of life just melt away.
I am curious to know what new movies I will add over the years. Will my children find these films painfully dated and drab? What movies are your Watch-Rewind-Repeat list?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Evolution of Relationships
In the last week, I've become acutely aware of the bonds that bind people together. Family relationships seem to turn up in every movie or show I watch. It's delved into in books I read and even the Olympics. With the economic downturn and Brian officially hitting the unemployed-for-one-year mark, I've really had time to reprioritize the important things in life. While life can be overwhelming at times and I feel as if my closets might explode with enough clothes to open a girl's boutique, I am thankful for all that I do have. A car or a house that would comfortably fit our family of five would be nice, but far from necessary. At least we have a car (or two) and cozy home.
It all makes me pause to reflect on my own relationships, or lack thereof, depending on which one we're talking about. The tricky thing about relationships is that it requires both parties to participate to be successful. No matter how much I pour into some, the efforts are moot if they are not accepted or recipricated.
It probably doesn't help that I grew up a military brat and have become very comfortable moving on. We moved every year and a half or two. Sometimes we'd get to stay somewhere three whole years! I became an excellent pen pal. But, as soon as the pal stopped writing, I dropped my efforts like a bad habit and never thought twice about it. Don't get me wrong, I'd write a few extra notes in hope of getting a response, but there was no way I was going to cling to a relationship for a year and get nothing in return. If you look at my employment history, it may reveal this to be a character trait I apply to many facets of my life.
It's something that I want to get better at. I see the bonds others have. Relationships that they grew up with. Cousins that were playmates and best friends. A family friend that was like a second parent. Family gatherings that are relaxing and a time to revel in similarities, instead of highlighting what divides us. There are some people I have known my entire life, yet I know very little about them.
I know it's not just me. I have a great relationship with my husband and kids. I hope to be like a second mom to my kids' friends. I want to be the go-to house in the neighborhood, even if it means spending double at the grocery store every month. At least I know I'll be putting in the effort on my end of the line. Life is an interesting evolution that hopefully leads to flourishing relationships, not extinction.
It all makes me pause to reflect on my own relationships, or lack thereof, depending on which one we're talking about. The tricky thing about relationships is that it requires both parties to participate to be successful. No matter how much I pour into some, the efforts are moot if they are not accepted or recipricated.
It probably doesn't help that I grew up a military brat and have become very comfortable moving on. We moved every year and a half or two. Sometimes we'd get to stay somewhere three whole years! I became an excellent pen pal. But, as soon as the pal stopped writing, I dropped my efforts like a bad habit and never thought twice about it. Don't get me wrong, I'd write a few extra notes in hope of getting a response, but there was no way I was going to cling to a relationship for a year and get nothing in return. If you look at my employment history, it may reveal this to be a character trait I apply to many facets of my life.
It's something that I want to get better at. I see the bonds others have. Relationships that they grew up with. Cousins that were playmates and best friends. A family friend that was like a second parent. Family gatherings that are relaxing and a time to revel in similarities, instead of highlighting what divides us. There are some people I have known my entire life, yet I know very little about them.
I know it's not just me. I have a great relationship with my husband and kids. I hope to be like a second mom to my kids' friends. I want to be the go-to house in the neighborhood, even if it means spending double at the grocery store every month. At least I know I'll be putting in the effort on my end of the line. Life is an interesting evolution that hopefully leads to flourishing relationships, not extinction.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Trying to Find the Balance
It's been a crazy couple of weeks, but that's nothing new. But that's the problem. I have been trying my darndest to accept the chaos as my new norm. It certainly doesn't seem like life is going to settle out any time soon, so how do I find my comfort zone again?
Work has been emotional and in the last two weeks I could tack on a sequel to "Adventures in Pumping" entitled " Physiological Needs: Work is So Crazy-Busy There is No Time to Eat, Pee or Pump". Throw in a snow storm, school closed for two weeks, more or less and I'm all out of wack. I thrive on routines and structure and I'm clawing my way up the mountain in hopes of finding them at the top.
I know it isn't just me. The kids are learning to find a new balance with me gone at work and not around to do little things only mommy can do. Brian is also trying to find his new balance with the extra responsibilities .The kids are having fun with all the little things only daddy can do. But I miss the balance. I miss having time to get the house organized and clean. I miss having time to relax with a book; holding a list with everything marked off. Maybe that's just the new norm with three kids, including a newborn, a full-time job, and the innate need to be a control-freak.
From now on, I suppose I just have to gently remind myself that I can only do so much, not everyone's needs need to be met by me, and the snow will melt eventually. Until then, maybe I'll just keep the closet doors closed a little tighter to hide the clutter. No one else seems to be bothered by it, so why should I.
Wish me luck
Work has been emotional and in the last two weeks I could tack on a sequel to "Adventures in Pumping" entitled " Physiological Needs: Work is So Crazy-Busy There is No Time to Eat, Pee or Pump". Throw in a snow storm, school closed for two weeks, more or less and I'm all out of wack. I thrive on routines and structure and I'm clawing my way up the mountain in hopes of finding them at the top.
I know it isn't just me. The kids are learning to find a new balance with me gone at work and not around to do little things only mommy can do. Brian is also trying to find his new balance with the extra responsibilities .The kids are having fun with all the little things only daddy can do. But I miss the balance. I miss having time to get the house organized and clean. I miss having time to relax with a book; holding a list with everything marked off. Maybe that's just the new norm with three kids, including a newborn, a full-time job, and the innate need to be a control-freak.
From now on, I suppose I just have to gently remind myself that I can only do so much, not everyone's needs need to be met by me, and the snow will melt eventually. Until then, maybe I'll just keep the closet doors closed a little tighter to hide the clutter. No one else seems to be bothered by it, so why should I.
Wish me luck
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Adventures in Pumping and other Short Stories
Well, it seems my life of late can be summed up through my escapades in pumping. Let's start from the beginning, shall we.
It all began with stockpiling about 32 oz. of milk in the freezer to cover my first day away from the baby. That 32 oz. took weeks to accumulate.
So, it's off to work I go. I can not tell you how many times I have forgotten my pump tubing at home or in the pump room. I'm surprised I can remember minute patient details, but when it comes to collecting up all my gear my brain goes on vacation. I swear I will have to wean this child because I can't afford to keep buying new tubing, not because either one of us wants to quit.
Then one day, a couple of weeks ago, I stole a break only to find the pumping room completely full. I'm thrilled we have so many breastfeeding moms on the unit. Damn. This sends me into Plan B. I'll rush one floor up to the pump room accessible to anyone not in the NICU. It's a little crammed and too upholstered for my taste (IMPO, everything in a pump room should be able to be wiped down. Fabric chairs with milk splattered stains are just gross). But, at least it has a sink and some pumps. Come to find out it is closed until further notice. Double damn. I follow the signs that lead me to some makeshift pump rooms. These are a couple of empty offices with no locks on the doors. I do find a sign to tape to the door indicating the room is 'in use' and hope no one walks in. While this Plan C is roomier than Plan B, there are no wipes to clean off the equipment, let alone a sink to rinse things off. Double gross. My breasts are just relieved to be relieved.
A week or so later, my husband calls me at work to inform me of a loud banging sound in the walls. Turns out a pipe near the water plant has burst and our whole community is without water. Thank goodness it back on when I get home to shower on day 1. I wash bottles in the sink and organize myself for the next day. When I get home on day 2, I find out that we should be boiling our water until further notice. Really? So, now I have to wash bottles in nasty water at home and again in fresh water when I get to work. Thank goodness that only lasted about 4 days.
Then I run into an old classmate and have a little discussion about 'breast is best'. I am totally fine with formula. I fed my first child formula because she failed to thrive and she's no worse for the wear. But, breast milk is free and I like it, so that's what we're doing for this little lady. I bring this up because he was under the impression that pumping was no big deal. Do it at the beginning of the day and your good to go, right? It's no fault of is own. He doesn't have kids or breasts. But for the record, it is no small effort every 3 hours for 15 minutes.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but yet another blizzard. We were even lucky enough to lose power for 12 hours or so. While no power is making me colder, it is making my super stash of frozen breast milk warmer. After a couple of hours of now power, I packed up my supply and stuck it in the snow. No way was I letting all of that hard work go to waste.
Needless to say, the weather and finicky utilities have made my days "off" very busy. I look forward to warm days that don't require tacking 10 extra minutes to my commute or for getting my kids out the door in their endless layers. I look forward to my breaks at work being time that I actually get to catch up with coworkers or grab a snack instead of extracting a meal for my baby. I look forward to the day that all of the housework is caught up and I can actually spend uniterrupted hours reading or resting. One day.
It all began with stockpiling about 32 oz. of milk in the freezer to cover my first day away from the baby. That 32 oz. took weeks to accumulate.
So, it's off to work I go. I can not tell you how many times I have forgotten my pump tubing at home or in the pump room. I'm surprised I can remember minute patient details, but when it comes to collecting up all my gear my brain goes on vacation. I swear I will have to wean this child because I can't afford to keep buying new tubing, not because either one of us wants to quit.
Then one day, a couple of weeks ago, I stole a break only to find the pumping room completely full. I'm thrilled we have so many breastfeeding moms on the unit. Damn. This sends me into Plan B. I'll rush one floor up to the pump room accessible to anyone not in the NICU. It's a little crammed and too upholstered for my taste (IMPO, everything in a pump room should be able to be wiped down. Fabric chairs with milk splattered stains are just gross). But, at least it has a sink and some pumps. Come to find out it is closed until further notice. Double damn. I follow the signs that lead me to some makeshift pump rooms. These are a couple of empty offices with no locks on the doors. I do find a sign to tape to the door indicating the room is 'in use' and hope no one walks in. While this Plan C is roomier than Plan B, there are no wipes to clean off the equipment, let alone a sink to rinse things off. Double gross. My breasts are just relieved to be relieved.
A week or so later, my husband calls me at work to inform me of a loud banging sound in the walls. Turns out a pipe near the water plant has burst and our whole community is without water. Thank goodness it back on when I get home to shower on day 1. I wash bottles in the sink and organize myself for the next day. When I get home on day 2, I find out that we should be boiling our water until further notice. Really? So, now I have to wash bottles in nasty water at home and again in fresh water when I get to work. Thank goodness that only lasted about 4 days.
Then I run into an old classmate and have a little discussion about 'breast is best'. I am totally fine with formula. I fed my first child formula because she failed to thrive and she's no worse for the wear. But, breast milk is free and I like it, so that's what we're doing for this little lady. I bring this up because he was under the impression that pumping was no big deal. Do it at the beginning of the day and your good to go, right? It's no fault of is own. He doesn't have kids or breasts. But for the record, it is no small effort every 3 hours for 15 minutes.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but yet another blizzard. We were even lucky enough to lose power for 12 hours or so. While no power is making me colder, it is making my super stash of frozen breast milk warmer. After a couple of hours of now power, I packed up my supply and stuck it in the snow. No way was I letting all of that hard work go to waste.
Needless to say, the weather and finicky utilities have made my days "off" very busy. I look forward to warm days that don't require tacking 10 extra minutes to my commute or for getting my kids out the door in their endless layers. I look forward to my breaks at work being time that I actually get to catch up with coworkers or grab a snack instead of extracting a meal for my baby. I look forward to the day that all of the housework is caught up and I can actually spend uniterrupted hours reading or resting. One day.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Pt Report
HPI: 33 YO G3P3 with exhaustion and fatigue througout the last year brought on by completion of grad school, pregnancy and childbirth, husband lost steady job 11 months ago, starting full-time work in December, and juggling household. Children ages 6, 4, and 4 months.
N: pt irritable at times. Difficult to relax and brain "never stops thinking". Increased anxiety related to sleep in fear of night feedings and fear of sleeping through alarm. Stressed over the need to get a handle on the children's toys overtaking the home. Temp- returning to normal after a bitter cold winter.
R: check
CV: in need of cardio workout to relieve stress and get fit. Meds: vitamins and calcium supplements. No caffeine.
GI/GU: insufficient intake to meet with demands of working and breastfeeding. Increased weight loss in the last month. However, pt reports eating too many cookies. Educate on healthy on eating.
SKIN: increased acne and paleness. Need to spend more time feeling the warm sun on skin.
SOCIAL: supportive husband and family. Interactions with friends has been less than desired due to blizzard, holidays and new work schedule. Pt looking forward to going out this weekend with a friend and settling into a routine in the near future.
N: pt irritable at times. Difficult to relax and brain "never stops thinking". Increased anxiety related to sleep in fear of night feedings and fear of sleeping through alarm. Stressed over the need to get a handle on the children's toys overtaking the home. Temp- returning to normal after a bitter cold winter.
R: check
CV: in need of cardio workout to relieve stress and get fit. Meds: vitamins and calcium supplements. No caffeine.
GI/GU: insufficient intake to meet with demands of working and breastfeeding. Increased weight loss in the last month. However, pt reports eating too many cookies. Educate on healthy on eating.
SKIN: increased acne and paleness. Need to spend more time feeling the warm sun on skin.
SOCIAL: supportive husband and family. Interactions with friends has been less than desired due to blizzard, holidays and new work schedule. Pt looking forward to going out this weekend with a friend and settling into a routine in the near future.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Back to "Sleep"
Does anyones baby just love sleeping on their backs? I recall my nephew startling himself in his sleep as a newborn, arms and legs akimbo, then settling right back into a dreamland slumber without a peep. Although I have witnessed it, I have never had the pleasure of owning a kid that doesn't necessitate a snug swaddle, rocking, and seeing my mug every 2-3 hours around the clock. Would they have been better sleepers if I'd let them sleep with their butts up in the air like tiny turkeys?
Since going back to work, Bridget has become an increasingly finicky sleeper. She wants to be held, she doesn't want to be held, she cat naps, she won't let you put her down when she's awake without fussing. What happened to my chill, sleepy baby?
Returning to work has really illuminated how much we need to teach Bridget to sleep. After waking 5 times Sunday night and popping her eyes open every time you laid her down like a broken baby doll from days of yore, Brian decided it was time to cry it out and let her sleep on her belly.
Gasp. The horror. As a NICU nurse and a paranoid mom, I was conflicted. The rule in our home has been "once the baby can roll over on her own, she can sleep on her tummy." After all, I'm not going to stay awake all night just to flip her over. I understand the impact the Back-to-Sleep campaign has had on reducing SIDS. It's cut the rates in half. But half of what? You could reduce the incidence of something down from 2 in a million to 1 in a million and still accurately tout you have reduced it half. Frankly, I am not impressed.
The statistics are not as ridiculous as my example. The incidence of SIDS has been reduced from 1 in 1800 to 1 in 700 over the last 30 years (Dr. Kattwinkel is actually an attending on my unit), the same time parents were encouraged to put their babies to sleep on their backs. That is awesome news for all those babies who didn't die of SIDS, but suffocation rates have tripled (again with the vague...what does that statistic really mean). Having chatted with mom friends of newborns, I find co-sleeping to occur more and more. So, my question is this: which is more dangerous? co-sleeping or tummy sleeping?
In an ideal world, all babies would contentedly sleep for hours on their backs. They would not startle awake, they would not wake every 2 hours, they would not be raised by bleary-eyed, sleep deprived parents hunkered down in survival mode who are so exhausted it is all they can do to get through the day. We don't live in an ideal world. Parenting is about juggling and balancing and the big picture.
So what was I to do? Exist on 4 hours of chopped up sleep, wake up at 5:30 in the morning, spend twelve and a half hours attempting to provide safe care to preemie babies, then get home at 8:15 only to get 4 more choppy hours. I'm so sleep deprived and bombarded with new information at work that my brain is fuzzy and I'm on the verge of tears. So, I decided statistics be damned. I am too educated to believe that babies sleeping on their back is the only factor that has helped reduce the risk of SIDS. 30 years ago people smoked around their kids, cribs were full of bumpers and cushy blankets, babies were given rice cereal in bottles, and formula was what all the cool babies were drinking.
I will continue to hypocritically educate families to put their babies to sleep on their backs, since it is a factor we easily have control over. Much the same way fat medical professionals everywhere push heart healthy diets and exercise on their patients. But I will live on the edge and have confidence that Bridget will turn her head when the air gets stale.
As for Bridget, she slept from 8 pm last night and had to be woken up at 8:30 this morning to go to a doctors appointment. She only woke once at night to eat and I wonder how much longer she would have slept had I let her. When she is awake, she is so much happier and interactive. I'm happier and more interactive. I have patience for annoying kid behaviors (does anyone really feel relaxed when their kid whines or tells you their 30th knock-knock joke. I can only fake laugh so many times).
Thank you Brian, for teaching Bridget how to sleep. Bridget. Keep up the good work.
Since going back to work, Bridget has become an increasingly finicky sleeper. She wants to be held, she doesn't want to be held, she cat naps, she won't let you put her down when she's awake without fussing. What happened to my chill, sleepy baby?
Returning to work has really illuminated how much we need to teach Bridget to sleep. After waking 5 times Sunday night and popping her eyes open every time you laid her down like a broken baby doll from days of yore, Brian decided it was time to cry it out and let her sleep on her belly.
Gasp. The horror. As a NICU nurse and a paranoid mom, I was conflicted. The rule in our home has been "once the baby can roll over on her own, she can sleep on her tummy." After all, I'm not going to stay awake all night just to flip her over. I understand the impact the Back-to-Sleep campaign has had on reducing SIDS. It's cut the rates in half. But half of what? You could reduce the incidence of something down from 2 in a million to 1 in a million and still accurately tout you have reduced it half. Frankly, I am not impressed.
The statistics are not as ridiculous as my example. The incidence of SIDS has been reduced from 1 in 1800 to 1 in 700 over the last 30 years (Dr. Kattwinkel is actually an attending on my unit), the same time parents were encouraged to put their babies to sleep on their backs. That is awesome news for all those babies who didn't die of SIDS, but suffocation rates have tripled (again with the vague...what does that statistic really mean). Having chatted with mom friends of newborns, I find co-sleeping to occur more and more. So, my question is this: which is more dangerous? co-sleeping or tummy sleeping?
In an ideal world, all babies would contentedly sleep for hours on their backs. They would not startle awake, they would not wake every 2 hours, they would not be raised by bleary-eyed, sleep deprived parents hunkered down in survival mode who are so exhausted it is all they can do to get through the day. We don't live in an ideal world. Parenting is about juggling and balancing and the big picture.
So what was I to do? Exist on 4 hours of chopped up sleep, wake up at 5:30 in the morning, spend twelve and a half hours attempting to provide safe care to preemie babies, then get home at 8:15 only to get 4 more choppy hours. I'm so sleep deprived and bombarded with new information at work that my brain is fuzzy and I'm on the verge of tears. So, I decided statistics be damned. I am too educated to believe that babies sleeping on their back is the only factor that has helped reduce the risk of SIDS. 30 years ago people smoked around their kids, cribs were full of bumpers and cushy blankets, babies were given rice cereal in bottles, and formula was what all the cool babies were drinking.
I will continue to hypocritically educate families to put their babies to sleep on their backs, since it is a factor we easily have control over. Much the same way fat medical professionals everywhere push heart healthy diets and exercise on their patients. But I will live on the edge and have confidence that Bridget will turn her head when the air gets stale.
As for Bridget, she slept from 8 pm last night and had to be woken up at 8:30 this morning to go to a doctors appointment. She only woke once at night to eat and I wonder how much longer she would have slept had I let her. When she is awake, she is so much happier and interactive. I'm happier and more interactive. I have patience for annoying kid behaviors (does anyone really feel relaxed when their kid whines or tells you their 30th knock-knock joke. I can only fake laugh so many times).
Thank you Brian, for teaching Bridget how to sleep. Bridget. Keep up the good work.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Recap
I should be recapping the end of the year. It is New Year's Eve, after all. Instead, it's all I can do to recap the last two weeks.
I am thoroughly exhausted, to be honest. The first week of work was a bunch of 9-5 days getting all sorts of paperwork and generic hospital orientation stuff out of the way. I was both a pack mule and a dairy cow, lugging my breast pump all around the hospital grabbing random rooms to pump in. All the while, Bridget was at home consuming all of an ounce or two, the ENTIRE day.
After an exhausting first week, we got hit with the storm of the decade. The girls had a blast attempting to trudge through it all. Lots of sledding and shoveling and bundling occurred. I really enjoyed it the first day. It was beautiful to watch and cozy inside. We only lost power for a few hours which just gave us an excuse to pile on the blankets and light the candles. After a day of snow and no plows in sight, I started to get frustrated. I wasn't able to get to the hospital for my first day of work on the unit. A two-door Civic Coupe in 2 feet of snow...I don't think so. This meant I was going to have to work Christmas Eve to make up the time. My plans to finish up shopping for Christmas gifts and Christmas dinner was a bust. I did manage to walk to Target to pick up some stocking stuffers and gifts.
Then it was on for three days of work, off for Christmas, on for three more days, off for one, then on for one last day. The schedule was intimidating, in and of itself, but add in getting up extra early to drive on icy roads, squeezing in an early morning pumping session, and being bombarded for 12+ hours with learning a new job; it was all I could do to kiss my babies and crawl into bed when I got home. Did I mention Bridget has taken to waking 3 or 4 times at night, reluctant to be put back to sleep?
But, there was a lot of awesome this past two weeks. Brian was AMAZING as a house spouse. He handled all three kids with ease. Dishes were done. Dinner was warm and waiting for me when I got home at 8:15pm. The kids were bathed, laundry was clean, groceries were bought, Christmas decorations were taken down and toys cleaned up. While I was at work, I never once worried about things at home because I knew it was all getting done. Much to Brian's dismay, being a super house spouse led to me sobbing that I wasn't needed around the house anymore and that I was losing my control of the homefront. I blame hormones, since I have also started shedding like a dog all the hair I didn't lose during pregnancy. I think I might go bald pretty soon if the pace keeps up.
Christmas was lovely. The girls really had fun with the presents this year and get excited over the tiniest things. It's nice to see it doesn't take big and fancy things to make them happy. I finally got to host a holiday meal and dinner was so tasty. It was made even more enjoyable having family to spend the holidays with and I love seeing the girls get to know their baby cousin. Hearing my mother-in-law's hilarious baking escapades is becoming a holiday tradition that brings me giggles. It was Bridget's first Christmas and she slept and enjoyed having her mommy home for a day.
Working with the babies in the NICU has been great. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was back. Catching up with nurses of the unit and showing off pics the kids has been like a mini reunion. While I was more than overwhelmed the first day back, I have realized that I learned more than I though during my last two semesters of school. I am shocked at how much more ill the intermediate babies are than they used to be, but excited that I get to be the one to help them and their families during the roller coaster course many preemies take.
I could probably write all day, but my baby is awake and looking for snuggles. I want to bake cookies with my big girls and enjoy my four days off.
I am thoroughly exhausted, to be honest. The first week of work was a bunch of 9-5 days getting all sorts of paperwork and generic hospital orientation stuff out of the way. I was both a pack mule and a dairy cow, lugging my breast pump all around the hospital grabbing random rooms to pump in. All the while, Bridget was at home consuming all of an ounce or two, the ENTIRE day.
After an exhausting first week, we got hit with the storm of the decade. The girls had a blast attempting to trudge through it all. Lots of sledding and shoveling and bundling occurred. I really enjoyed it the first day. It was beautiful to watch and cozy inside. We only lost power for a few hours which just gave us an excuse to pile on the blankets and light the candles. After a day of snow and no plows in sight, I started to get frustrated. I wasn't able to get to the hospital for my first day of work on the unit. A two-door Civic Coupe in 2 feet of snow...I don't think so. This meant I was going to have to work Christmas Eve to make up the time. My plans to finish up shopping for Christmas gifts and Christmas dinner was a bust. I did manage to walk to Target to pick up some stocking stuffers and gifts.
Then it was on for three days of work, off for Christmas, on for three more days, off for one, then on for one last day. The schedule was intimidating, in and of itself, but add in getting up extra early to drive on icy roads, squeezing in an early morning pumping session, and being bombarded for 12+ hours with learning a new job; it was all I could do to kiss my babies and crawl into bed when I got home. Did I mention Bridget has taken to waking 3 or 4 times at night, reluctant to be put back to sleep?
But, there was a lot of awesome this past two weeks. Brian was AMAZING as a house spouse. He handled all three kids with ease. Dishes were done. Dinner was warm and waiting for me when I got home at 8:15pm. The kids were bathed, laundry was clean, groceries were bought, Christmas decorations were taken down and toys cleaned up. While I was at work, I never once worried about things at home because I knew it was all getting done. Much to Brian's dismay, being a super house spouse led to me sobbing that I wasn't needed around the house anymore and that I was losing my control of the homefront. I blame hormones, since I have also started shedding like a dog all the hair I didn't lose during pregnancy. I think I might go bald pretty soon if the pace keeps up.
Christmas was lovely. The girls really had fun with the presents this year and get excited over the tiniest things. It's nice to see it doesn't take big and fancy things to make them happy. I finally got to host a holiday meal and dinner was so tasty. It was made even more enjoyable having family to spend the holidays with and I love seeing the girls get to know their baby cousin. Hearing my mother-in-law's hilarious baking escapades is becoming a holiday tradition that brings me giggles. It was Bridget's first Christmas and she slept and enjoyed having her mommy home for a day.
Working with the babies in the NICU has been great. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was back. Catching up with nurses of the unit and showing off pics the kids has been like a mini reunion. While I was more than overwhelmed the first day back, I have realized that I learned more than I though during my last two semesters of school. I am shocked at how much more ill the intermediate babies are than they used to be, but excited that I get to be the one to help them and their families during the roller coaster course many preemies take.
I could probably write all day, but my baby is awake and looking for snuggles. I want to bake cookies with my big girls and enjoy my four days off.
HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!!!!!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Makin' Bacon
Today was my first official day back at work. I had prepped well the night before..laid out an outfit, organized my pumping supplies, parking pass and water bottle were good to go. Bridget was even kind enough to wake me an hour before I had to leave, so I had plenty of time to feed her and get ready. In my head, it all should have worked out. It didn't.
Bridget didn't eat well, so I had to pump before I left (see ya 15 minutes). I decided I didn't like how the outfit I'd picked out fit, so I decided on something else...needed to be ironed. Meant to grab a picture of the girls to keep with...slipped my mind. I realized this on the bus and it almost made me cry, but I had a book to distract me. I perked some coffee, but forgot to pour it in a cup. Decided I had just enough time to swing by 7-11 for a cup, but realized my credit card was in the diaper bag from my big grocery shopping extravaganza a couple of days ago. I never have cash, but managed to scrounge just enough for a cup. It's only decaf, but I really enough a warm cup in the morning (especially when there is freezing fog).
I arrived right on time and there was not a break all day. Lots of orientation stuff and paperwork. My head is swimming. It was nice to take a quick tour and see familiar faces. I got several you-look-familiar-but-can't-place-you looks until I said I was a student and pregnant. Ah ha!
I did find it a little lonely to return to work after having a baby, but spending my day with strangers that were clueless to that fact. It's a tough day for any mom, but it helps to have the support of colleagues to lean on and ask to see pictures.
On the super plus side, I had the comfort of knowing my babies were at home with their daddy. When I called to check in, all was quiet and peaceful . His voice was relaxed and reassuring (even if Bridget only ate an ounce all day). When I got home the kids were playing together, the dishes were done, laundry was clean...it's almost as if I wasn't needed at all. But then Autumn came running over to say how much she missed me; Bridget gave me smiles and ate and ate. Even Abigail asked me how the babies were and if they all arrive too early. I'm still needed and wanted and it's nice to be contributing to the family money pot, again.
I love you, Brian!
Bridget didn't eat well, so I had to pump before I left (see ya 15 minutes). I decided I didn't like how the outfit I'd picked out fit, so I decided on something else...needed to be ironed. Meant to grab a picture of the girls to keep with...slipped my mind. I realized this on the bus and it almost made me cry, but I had a book to distract me. I perked some coffee, but forgot to pour it in a cup. Decided I had just enough time to swing by 7-11 for a cup, but realized my credit card was in the diaper bag from my big grocery shopping extravaganza a couple of days ago. I never have cash, but managed to scrounge just enough for a cup. It's only decaf, but I really enough a warm cup in the morning (especially when there is freezing fog).
I arrived right on time and there was not a break all day. Lots of orientation stuff and paperwork. My head is swimming. It was nice to take a quick tour and see familiar faces. I got several you-look-familiar-but-can't-place-you looks until I said I was a student and pregnant. Ah ha!
I did find it a little lonely to return to work after having a baby, but spending my day with strangers that were clueless to that fact. It's a tough day for any mom, but it helps to have the support of colleagues to lean on and ask to see pictures.
On the super plus side, I had the comfort of knowing my babies were at home with their daddy. When I called to check in, all was quiet and peaceful . His voice was relaxed and reassuring (even if Bridget only ate an ounce all day). When I got home the kids were playing together, the dishes were done, laundry was clean...it's almost as if I wasn't needed at all. But then Autumn came running over to say how much she missed me; Bridget gave me smiles and ate and ate. Even Abigail asked me how the babies were and if they all arrive too early. I'm still needed and wanted and it's nice to be contributing to the family money pot, again.
I love you, Brian!
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Religion vs Morals
I read a commentary in the local paper a couple of weeks ago that sparked a conversation between me and Brian. We discussed it again with a family friend that was visiting this weekend.
I can't find the article to find a direct quote, but the jist was this: The more religion has been removed from the classroom, the less moral generations of children have become. Brian and I recognize that this is part of an age old phenomenon at work. The older generations always look at the younger generation as being wilder, more confrontational and always challenging authority. "Kids grow up so much faster these days, " they might say. That may or may not be true, but this author attributes the downward spiral to a lack of religious influence.
Now, I am not going to argue that religions don't teach their followers morals. Do you really think I want to part with my $50 that easily? But the loud implication is that one can not be moral without the framework of religion to guide them or scare them into submission. Take your pick. I believe people are inherently good. I do believe in being good for goodness sake.
I am more motivated by my belief that my time on Earth is the only chance I've got. I am not being a moral person because of secret prize at the end. I am moral because it is the right thing to do, it betters the society in which I live, and there are no second chances. A lack of religion isn't leading to immoral behavior, a lack of morals is.
While religion may not be infused with our school system, that does not mean parents can't pass along these values at home. Our children are far more influenced by their families, than they are by their education. Besides, the older generations shouldn't place blame for the failings of the younger generation on the schools or religion before reflecting upon the role they contributed to how our generation turned out.
Makes me wonder what lessons will stick and won't stick to my kids over the years, despite my best intentions.
I can't find the article to find a direct quote, but the jist was this: The more religion has been removed from the classroom, the less moral generations of children have become. Brian and I recognize that this is part of an age old phenomenon at work. The older generations always look at the younger generation as being wilder, more confrontational and always challenging authority. "Kids grow up so much faster these days, " they might say. That may or may not be true, but this author attributes the downward spiral to a lack of religious influence.
Now, I am not going to argue that religions don't teach their followers morals. Do you really think I want to part with my $50 that easily? But the loud implication is that one can not be moral without the framework of religion to guide them or scare them into submission. Take your pick. I believe people are inherently good. I do believe in being good for goodness sake.
I am more motivated by my belief that my time on Earth is the only chance I've got. I am not being a moral person because of secret prize at the end. I am moral because it is the right thing to do, it betters the society in which I live, and there are no second chances. A lack of religion isn't leading to immoral behavior, a lack of morals is.
While religion may not be infused with our school system, that does not mean parents can't pass along these values at home. Our children are far more influenced by their families, than they are by their education. Besides, the older generations shouldn't place blame for the failings of the younger generation on the schools or religion before reflecting upon the role they contributed to how our generation turned out.
Makes me wonder what lessons will stick and won't stick to my kids over the years, despite my best intentions.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Dear Scrub Designer,
I am not a five year old little girl looking to wear cartoon characters on my tops.
Not all nurses become pediatric nurses which might justify wearing cartoon characters on their tops.
The unshapely boxy look is flattering for no one.
I do not want to flash my goodies every time I lean over to take care of my patients.
The ability to pull off wearing Pepto Bismol pink or purple pants ended when I went through puberty.
Elastic waist pants are something my grandmother would wear.
Drawstring pants give you a bunchy bottom and constantly have to be retied.
What's wrong with a button and a zipper like normal people? I'm sure men wearing scrubs would appreciate the zipper feature.
I do not think I can justify spending more money on scrub tops and pants, that will get covered in blood and body fluids, than I do on my everyday clothes.
All white...are you kidding me? I'm no scarey Nurse Ratched.
I am a professional and would like to buy a look that reflects that at a reasonable price.
All that said, you're likely to find me wearing a pink polka dot top with turquoise drawstring pants this winter because that's all they had in my price range. Way to start my nursing career looking like a tart.
Not all nurses become pediatric nurses which might justify wearing cartoon characters on their tops.
The unshapely boxy look is flattering for no one.
I do not want to flash my goodies every time I lean over to take care of my patients.
The ability to pull off wearing Pepto Bismol pink or purple pants ended when I went through puberty.
Elastic waist pants are something my grandmother would wear.
Drawstring pants give you a bunchy bottom and constantly have to be retied.
What's wrong with a button and a zipper like normal people? I'm sure men wearing scrubs would appreciate the zipper feature.
I do not think I can justify spending more money on scrub tops and pants, that will get covered in blood and body fluids, than I do on my everyday clothes.
All white...are you kidding me? I'm no scarey Nurse Ratched.
I am a professional and would like to buy a look that reflects that at a reasonable price.
All that said, you're likely to find me wearing a pink polka dot top with turquoise drawstring pants this winter because that's all they had in my price range. Way to start my nursing career looking like a tart.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thankful
I am thankful for many things this year...
I am thankful my husband watched the kids this afternoon so that I could go see an afternoon movie...sorry the baby cried so much.
I am thankful that my family is healthy.
I am thankful I have a roof over my head. And not just any roof, the roof is attached to a home I love.
I am thankful for heat and nutritious food on the table.
I am thankful I have a job to start in less than 3 weeks.
I am thankful that my children are loving, thriving, and make my life fun.
I am thankful that my husband balances me out and is my biggest fan.
I am thankful that my husband is an awesomely hard worker, despite adversity.
I am thankful for good friends that I can be myself around.
I am thankful for love, life, liberty, and happiness.
I am thankful my husband watched the kids this afternoon so that I could go see an afternoon movie...sorry the baby cried so much.
I am thankful that my family is healthy.
I am thankful I have a roof over my head. And not just any roof, the roof is attached to a home I love.
I am thankful for heat and nutritious food on the table.
I am thankful I have a job to start in less than 3 weeks.
I am thankful that my children are loving, thriving, and make my life fun.
I am thankful that my husband balances me out and is my biggest fan.
I am thankful that my husband is an awesomely hard worker, despite adversity.
I am thankful for good friends that I can be myself around.
I am thankful for love, life, liberty, and happiness.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Less Weighty Matters
I am psyched that I fit into my prepregnancy jeans (with room), have hit my breastfeeding weight (I accept 5 extra pounds for boobs, milk, and reserves), and I feel great. I still have my little cupcake to thank for my muffin top, but it's nothing pilates and a little time won't fix.
Just in time for holiday sweets.
Just in time for holiday sweets.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Lazy Blogger
My husband argues that 'lazy' is not a word that he would ever use to describe me. Regardless, I have been slack about blogging. Mostly because I don't imagine anyone would find child rearing as interesting a topic as I do. How many times can I post about a good or bad night's sleep with an infant? The big girls are pretty easygoing. They have their moments, but really don't get into any notable antics.
We're gearing up for the holiday season and my return to full-time work. I am definitely concurrently very excited and sad at the same time. I know Bridget will be in good hands and will not starve, despite staunch refusal of the bottle. She's a smart cupcake and will figure out the whole bottle eating thing. I'll stress over sleepless nights combined with busy days. But I also know that I will love my job, love my coworkers and love that I can help contribute to this family's money pot.
In this day and age, women can do anything they want. I am happy to be a living example to my girls that you can get an education, you can have a career, you can be a mom and a friend and a wife. Schedules get hectic and stressful, but it can be done. I do not want them to see work as a chore. Even when I've had jobs I don't like, it is still my responsibility as an adult. A means to an end. Life isn't always easy, but I will take on the challenge to balance it all in an effort to fulfill my need to be immersed in science, my desire to be a happy person, and to give my children the world. I will miss my girls during the day, but I will not lay on the guilt when I leave the house. Dad's never feel guilty for going to work because they know it is an integral part of sustaining a family.
But don't get me wrong, on my days off I am going to be organizing playdates, overseeing homework, and snuggling my babies.
On that note, here are some pics of my cute babies that we took because Autumn is 4 (and then she'll 5 and then 6....she volunteers that to everyone who will listen).
Gramma's Birthday Brownie to Autumn
Daddy and Bridget Sitting Side-by-side
Monkey Party Games
"Autumn is 4. I'm very smart for my size."
Not a good picture of me, but it is such a rare event I figured I'd post it anyway.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
I'm Amazed
I have seen enough in life, that there are few that surprise me. They may disappoint me or warm my heart or make me shake my head, but I've read enough news and seen enough crazy antics that the shock factor has greatly diminished.
Of course, all of this to say a few things have taken me by surprise of late. Like exactly how much weight my baby cupcake has packed on in just two short months. She is already 14 lb 5 oz! I never thought I would be so successful at breastfeeding or that my kids had it in them to be so plump and juicy. I am also still in mild shock over how easygoing she is. She sleeps like no child of mine ever has. Yesterday she got her 2 month vaccines and was irritable for about an hour that afternoon. It was the longest she has been fussy her whole life (with the exception of the torture that is the car). I was surprised at how much I missed her smiles when they returned later that evening.
I am also amazed at just how many bad things can happen to one family in a single year. I had visions of what life could be like this year....I'd graduate from school and then we'd be two-income earning family again. We would finally have time and money to have a baby, find our family and friends in good health, sign the girls up for sports and dance, buy a bigger car, maybe put a deck in the "backyard", get a cafe table for the kitchen so that all of us have a place to sit, a new wardrobe for Brian, and gasp....maybe even a family vacation to somewhere we've never been before. Needless to say, I wouldn't be blogging this if it had all come true.
The material things like cars and furniture are really meaningles when you put things in perspective. The vision quickly changed when Brian lost his job. The economy continued a downward spiral that has made it a challenge to find work in this town. Far too many friends and family have fallen ill or passed away this year. Brian is away this very moment at his grandmother's funeral. Cars have been totalled, marriages have fallen apart, housing prices have plummetted.
The truly amazing thing is how resilient I have discovered I can be and I've learned not to stress about the little things. So we are wedged into our car like sardines...it just keeps us close and at least I have a car. Our home value is in the toilet, but I love my house and it's big enough and I don't have to move any time soon. I secured a new grad nurse job amidst a hiring freeze and will work every weekend night if that is what I have to do to help keep this family afloat. Brian has relentlessly job hunted, received freelance work from generous friends and colleaugues all while being stay-at-home-dad while I finished up school. I appreciate that life can be simple again..who needs fancy sports leagues and expensive clubs when I've got playdates and sports equipment. We can teach the girls soccer ourselves and I love turning our living room into an impromptu dance club, "Say, Hey". We are a stronger family for our struggles.
I am thankful that we did, in fact, have a healthy baby girl added to our family. And even though we've survived this year, I look forward to the day that life is a little more secure, a little easier and a little roomier. When that day comes, I will be amazed.
Of course, all of this to say a few things have taken me by surprise of late. Like exactly how much weight my baby cupcake has packed on in just two short months. She is already 14 lb 5 oz! I never thought I would be so successful at breastfeeding or that my kids had it in them to be so plump and juicy. I am also still in mild shock over how easygoing she is. She sleeps like no child of mine ever has. Yesterday she got her 2 month vaccines and was irritable for about an hour that afternoon. It was the longest she has been fussy her whole life (with the exception of the torture that is the car). I was surprised at how much I missed her smiles when they returned later that evening.
I am also amazed at just how many bad things can happen to one family in a single year. I had visions of what life could be like this year....I'd graduate from school and then we'd be two-income earning family again. We would finally have time and money to have a baby, find our family and friends in good health, sign the girls up for sports and dance, buy a bigger car, maybe put a deck in the "backyard", get a cafe table for the kitchen so that all of us have a place to sit, a new wardrobe for Brian, and gasp....maybe even a family vacation to somewhere we've never been before. Needless to say, I wouldn't be blogging this if it had all come true.
The material things like cars and furniture are really meaningles when you put things in perspective. The vision quickly changed when Brian lost his job. The economy continued a downward spiral that has made it a challenge to find work in this town. Far too many friends and family have fallen ill or passed away this year. Brian is away this very moment at his grandmother's funeral. Cars have been totalled, marriages have fallen apart, housing prices have plummetted.
The truly amazing thing is how resilient I have discovered I can be and I've learned not to stress about the little things. So we are wedged into our car like sardines...it just keeps us close and at least I have a car. Our home value is in the toilet, but I love my house and it's big enough and I don't have to move any time soon. I secured a new grad nurse job amidst a hiring freeze and will work every weekend night if that is what I have to do to help keep this family afloat. Brian has relentlessly job hunted, received freelance work from generous friends and colleaugues all while being stay-at-home-dad while I finished up school. I appreciate that life can be simple again..who needs fancy sports leagues and expensive clubs when I've got playdates and sports equipment. We can teach the girls soccer ourselves and I love turning our living room into an impromptu dance club, "Say, Hey". We are a stronger family for our struggles.
I am thankful that we did, in fact, have a healthy baby girl added to our family. And even though we've survived this year, I look forward to the day that life is a little more secure, a little easier and a little roomier. When that day comes, I will be amazed.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Blog or FB
FB has created conflict for this blog. To post pics here or to FB. I do like to tell a story with my pics, which makes me want to post them here. But my FB friends that aren't clamoring to write this web address into their computer wouldn't get any peaks at the kiddos. I hate to post the same pics to both places, but let's be honest....you really only want the best of the best immortalized on the web. I hate to play favorites and pic one audience as the more deserving of cute pictures. Admittedly, my FB friends are more boisterous commenters than the lurkers on this blog. Yes, I have heard that there are readers out there. Do not be afraid to post a comment. Really, it isn't painful and you can't hurt my feelings. Oh, the dilemma. Chances are it will not resolved any time soon, so without further adieu, here are some pics.
The girls wanted to be Kit Kittredge for Halloween this year. If you are not familiar with the Amercian Girl doll, here's a picture:
Kit Kittredge Dress (made by yours truly for $6 with fabric, fabric glue and a zipper)
Abigail as Kit, Complete with News Article
Brian and Abigail Carving a Pumpkin Carriage
Autumn with her Glass Slipper Pumpkin
Autumn as Kit Kittredge--not wanting her picture taken
Pumpkin Baby
Tummy Time
Autumn actually wanted me to take her picture, incredible.
Craft Head
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I Am Alphabet Soup
It's official, I am a nurse.
After completing the NCLEX, a test almost as ridiculous as the scenario portion of the CNL exam, I have completed the last step in becoming a registered nurse. Liscencing complete. I wish I could say that I will get a break from learning all sorts of new things, but I will likely spend the first year of my career becoming familiar with my patient population and aquiring all the skills that go along with caring for them. While I am grateful that the learning never ends, it will be nice to go to a job with some level of comfort in regards to my duties that day. It's exhausting when you are in learning mode 24-7 like I have been the last couple of years.
But, I am going to enjoy the hell out of the next couple of months that I have home with the little ladies. I don't have school or tests hanging over my head and I can just sit back and enjoy this time.
Thank you all for the support and enouragement during this adventure. I certainly could not have done it without lots of help, patience and understanding from friends and family.
And now I can sign my name as:
Mrs. Kerri Murphy, BS, MFS, MSN, RN, CNL, MOM
But at the end of the day I'm just the same old Kerri you have known and loved for years.
After completing the NCLEX, a test almost as ridiculous as the scenario portion of the CNL exam, I have completed the last step in becoming a registered nurse. Liscencing complete. I wish I could say that I will get a break from learning all sorts of new things, but I will likely spend the first year of my career becoming familiar with my patient population and aquiring all the skills that go along with caring for them. While I am grateful that the learning never ends, it will be nice to go to a job with some level of comfort in regards to my duties that day. It's exhausting when you are in learning mode 24-7 like I have been the last couple of years.
But, I am going to enjoy the hell out of the next couple of months that I have home with the little ladies. I don't have school or tests hanging over my head and I can just sit back and enjoy this time.
Thank you all for the support and enouragement during this adventure. I certainly could not have done it without lots of help, patience and understanding from friends and family.
And now I can sign my name as:
Mrs. Kerri Murphy, BS, MFS, MSN, RN, CNL, MOM
But at the end of the day I'm just the same old Kerri you have known and loved for years.
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Little Lighter
Well, to follow-up with my weight rant, I will share the good news. I had my six-week post-partum appointment and I am now 25 pounds lighter than my last pre-delivery weigh-in. I still have 5 pounds to go before I hit my breastfeeding weight. This means I still don't fit into my favorite pair of jeans, but hopefully that will happen soon enough. I also don't dig sporting the muffin top that has come along with my lack of tone. Now that I have a clean bill of health; it is time to go for long walks, do some situps and get this body back into shape.
Brian has also been losing weight, but I won't steal his thunder and tell you how much.
Looks like it is only the under seven crowd that is gainig weight and that is exactly as it should be.
Brian has also been losing weight, but I won't steal his thunder and tell you how much.
Looks like it is only the under seven crowd that is gainig weight and that is exactly as it should be.
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