I'm Amazed

I have seen enough in life, that there are few that surprise me. They may disappoint me or warm my heart or make me shake my head, but I've read enough news and seen enough crazy antics that the shock factor has greatly diminished.

Of course, all of this to say a few things have taken me by surprise of late. Like exactly how much weight my baby cupcake has packed on in just two short months. She is already 14 lb 5 oz! I never thought I would be so successful at breastfeeding or that my kids had it in them to be so plump and juicy. I am also still in mild shock over how easygoing she is. She sleeps like no child of mine ever has. Yesterday she got her 2 month vaccines and was irritable for about an hour that afternoon. It was the longest she has been fussy her whole life (with the exception of the torture that is the car). I was surprised at how much I missed her smiles when they returned later that evening.

I am also amazed at just how many bad things can happen to one family in a single year. I had visions of what life could be like this year....I'd graduate from school and then we'd be two-income earning family again. We would finally have time and money to have a baby, find our family and friends in good health, sign the girls up for sports and dance, buy a bigger car, maybe put a deck in the "backyard", get a cafe table for the kitchen so that all of us have a place to sit, a new wardrobe for Brian, and gasp....maybe even a family vacation to somewhere we've never been before. Needless to say, I wouldn't be blogging this if it had all come true.

The material things like cars and furniture are really meaningles when you put things in perspective. The vision quickly changed when Brian lost his job. The economy continued a downward spiral that has made it a challenge to find work in this town. Far too many friends and family have fallen ill or passed away this year. Brian is away this very moment at his grandmother's funeral. Cars have been totalled, marriages have fallen apart, housing prices have plummetted.

The truly amazing thing is how resilient I have discovered I can be and I've learned not to stress about the little things. So we are wedged into our car like sardines...it just keeps us close and at least I have a car. Our home value is in the toilet, but I love my house and it's big enough and I don't have to move any time soon. I secured a new grad nurse job amidst a hiring freeze and will work every weekend night if that is what I have to do to help keep this family afloat. Brian has relentlessly job hunted, received freelance work from generous friends and colleaugues all while being stay-at-home-dad while I finished up school. I appreciate that life can be simple again..who needs fancy sports leagues and expensive clubs when I've got playdates and sports equipment. We can teach the girls soccer ourselves and I love turning our living room into an impromptu dance club, "Say, Hey". We are a stronger family for our struggles.

I am thankful that we did, in fact, have a healthy baby girl added to our family. And even though we've survived this year, I look forward to the day that life is a little more secure, a little easier and a little roomier. When that day comes, I will be amazed.