In the last week, I've become acutely aware of the bonds that bind people together. Family relationships seem to turn up in every movie or show I watch. It's delved into in books I read and even the Olympics. With the economic downturn and Brian officially hitting the unemployed-for-one-year mark, I've really had time to reprioritize the important things in life. While life can be overwhelming at times and I feel as if my closets might explode with enough clothes to open a girl's boutique, I am thankful for all that I do have. A car or a house that would comfortably fit our family of five would be nice, but far from necessary. At least we have a car (or two) and cozy home.
It all makes me pause to reflect on my own relationships, or lack thereof, depending on which one we're talking about. The tricky thing about relationships is that it requires both parties to participate to be successful. No matter how much I pour into some, the efforts are moot if they are not accepted or recipricated.
It probably doesn't help that I grew up a military brat and have become very comfortable moving on. We moved every year and a half or two. Sometimes we'd get to stay somewhere three whole years! I became an excellent pen pal. But, as soon as the pal stopped writing, I dropped my efforts like a bad habit and never thought twice about it. Don't get me wrong, I'd write a few extra notes in hope of getting a response, but there was no way I was going to cling to a relationship for a year and get nothing in return. If you look at my employment history, it may reveal this to be a character trait I apply to many facets of my life.
It's something that I want to get better at. I see the bonds others have. Relationships that they grew up with. Cousins that were playmates and best friends. A family friend that was like a second parent. Family gatherings that are relaxing and a time to revel in similarities, instead of highlighting what divides us. There are some people I have known my entire life, yet I know very little about them.
I know it's not just me. I have a great relationship with my husband and kids. I hope to be like a second mom to my kids' friends. I want to be the go-to house in the neighborhood, even if it means spending double at the grocery store every month. At least I know I'll be putting in the effort on my end of the line. Life is an interesting evolution that hopefully leads to flourishing relationships, not extinction.
3 comments:
Love this post.
Don't go extinct. That would be horrible. And terribly awkward...
I know things are difficult but I am confident you and Brian have the strength to see it through. I am lucky to have sister as strong as you and who sets such a strong example for others.
I so needed this message, thanks for this one. I too have the "move on" gene that was well developed by being the military brat (emphasis on brat) that I was. Sometimes it comes off as cold, not intentionally to anyone who really knows me, but isn't that the point. How many people really know who I am? B
thanks sibs. B- good question. When I really think about how many people truly know who I am, the number is pretty small. Some people know me the student, professional, mom...but few know me in my entirety. I like to think I'm pretty open, but I'm probably not. I'm a compartmentalizer. Rarely do I overlap my circles of friends. Thanks T. Brian has a large extended family who subsequently have many close friends. Far too many have fallen ill or passed away in the last year. Makes you a little more of your mortality and how you are choosing or not choosing to live life.
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