Recap

I should be recapping the end of the year. It is New Year's Eve, after all. Instead, it's all I can do to recap the last two weeks.

I am thoroughly exhausted, to be honest. The first week of work was a bunch of 9-5 days getting all sorts of paperwork and generic hospital orientation stuff out of the way. I was both a pack mule and a dairy cow, lugging my breast pump all around the hospital grabbing random rooms to pump in. All the while, Bridget was at home consuming all of an ounce or two, the ENTIRE day.

After an exhausting first week, we got hit with the storm of the decade. The girls had a blast attempting to trudge through it all. Lots of sledding and shoveling and bundling occurred. I really enjoyed it the first day. It was beautiful to watch and cozy inside. We only lost power for a few hours which just gave us an excuse to pile on the blankets and light the candles. After a day of snow and no plows in sight, I started to get frustrated. I wasn't able to get to the hospital for my first day of work on the unit. A two-door Civic Coupe in 2 feet of snow...I don't think so. This meant I was going to have to work Christmas Eve to make up the time. My plans to finish up shopping for Christmas gifts and Christmas dinner was a bust. I did manage to walk to Target to pick up some stocking stuffers and gifts.

Then it was on for three days of work, off for Christmas, on for three more days, off for one, then on for one last day. The schedule was intimidating, in and of itself, but add in getting up extra early to drive on icy roads, squeezing in an early morning pumping session, and being bombarded for 12+ hours with learning a new job; it was all I could do to kiss my babies and crawl into bed when I got home. Did I mention Bridget has taken to waking 3 or 4 times at night, reluctant to be put back to sleep?

But, there was a lot of awesome this past two weeks. Brian was AMAZING as a house spouse. He handled all three kids with ease. Dishes were done. Dinner was warm and waiting for me when I got home at 8:15pm. The kids were bathed, laundry was clean, groceries were bought, Christmas decorations were taken down and toys cleaned up. While I was at work, I never once worried about things at home because I knew it was all getting done. Much to Brian's dismay, being a super house spouse led to me sobbing that I wasn't needed around the house anymore and that I was losing my control of the homefront. I blame hormones, since I have also started shedding like a dog all the hair I didn't lose during pregnancy. I think I might go bald pretty soon if the pace keeps up.

Christmas was lovely. The girls really had fun with the presents this year and get excited over the tiniest things. It's nice to see it doesn't take big and fancy things to make them happy. I finally got to host a holiday meal and dinner was so tasty. It was made even more enjoyable having family to spend the holidays with and I love seeing the girls get to know their baby cousin. Hearing my mother-in-law's hilarious baking escapades is becoming a holiday tradition that brings me giggles. It was Bridget's first Christmas and she slept and enjoyed having her mommy home for a day.

Working with the babies in the NICU has been great. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was back. Catching up with nurses of the unit and showing off pics the kids has been like a mini reunion. While I was more than overwhelmed the first day back, I have realized that I learned more than I though during my last two semesters of school. I am shocked at how much more ill the intermediate babies are than they used to be, but excited that I get to be the one to help them and their families during the roller coaster course many preemies take.

I could probably write all day, but my baby is awake and looking for snuggles. I want to bake cookies with my big girls and enjoy my four days off.

HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Makin' Bacon

Today was my first official day back at work. I had prepped well the night before..laid out an outfit, organized my pumping supplies, parking pass and water bottle were good to go. Bridget was even kind enough to wake me an hour before I had to leave, so I had plenty of time to feed her and get ready. In my head, it all should have worked out. It didn't.

Bridget didn't eat well, so I had to pump before I left (see ya 15 minutes). I decided I didn't like how the outfit I'd picked out fit, so I decided on something else...needed to be ironed. Meant to grab a picture of the girls to keep with...slipped my mind. I realized this on the bus and it almost made me cry, but I had a book to distract me. I perked some coffee, but forgot to pour it in a cup. Decided I had just enough time to swing by 7-11 for a cup, but realized my credit card was in the diaper bag from my big grocery shopping extravaganza a couple of days ago. I never have cash, but managed to scrounge just enough for a cup. It's only decaf, but I really enough a warm cup in the morning (especially when there is freezing fog).

I arrived right on time and there was not a break all day. Lots of orientation stuff and paperwork. My head is swimming. It was nice to take a quick tour and see familiar faces. I got several you-look-familiar-but-can't-place-you looks until I said I was a student and pregnant. Ah ha!

I did find it a little lonely to return to work after having a baby, but spending my day with strangers that were clueless to that fact. It's a tough day for any mom, but it helps to have the support of colleagues to lean on and ask to see pictures.

On the super plus side, I had the comfort of knowing my babies were at home with their daddy. When I called to check in, all was quiet and peaceful . His voice was relaxed and reassuring (even if Bridget only ate an ounce all day). When I got home the kids were playing together, the dishes were done, laundry was clean...it's almost as if I wasn't needed at all. But then Autumn came running over to say how much she missed me; Bridget gave me smiles and ate and ate. Even Abigail asked me how the babies were and if they all arrive too early. I'm still needed and wanted and it's nice to be contributing to the family money pot, again.

I love you, Brian!

Religion vs Morals

I read a commentary in the local paper a couple of weeks ago that sparked a conversation between me and Brian. We discussed it again with a family friend that was visiting this weekend.


I can't find the article to find a direct quote, but the jist was this: The more religion has been removed from the classroom, the less moral generations of children have become. Brian and I recognize that this is part of an age old phenomenon at work. The older generations always look at the younger generation as being wilder, more confrontational and always challenging authority. "Kids grow up so much faster these days, " they might say. That may or may not be true, but this author attributes the downward spiral to a lack of religious influence.

Now, I am not going to argue that religions don't teach their followers morals. Do you really think I want to part with my $50 that easily? But the loud implication is that one can not be moral without the framework of religion to guide them or scare them into submission. Take your pick. I believe people are inherently good. I do believe in being good for goodness sake.

I am more motivated by my belief that my time on Earth is the only chance I've got. I am not being a moral person because of secret prize at the end. I am moral because it is the right thing to do, it betters the society in which I live, and there are no second chances. A lack of religion isn't leading to immoral behavior, a lack of morals is.

While religion may not be infused with our school system, that does not mean parents can't pass along these values at home. Our children are far more influenced by their families, than they are by their education. Besides, the older generations shouldn't place blame for the failings of the younger generation on the schools or religion before reflecting upon the role they contributed to how our generation turned out.

Makes me wonder what lessons will stick and won't stick to my kids over the years, despite my best intentions.

Dear Scrub Designer,

I am not a five year old little girl looking to wear cartoon characters on my tops.

Not all nurses become pediatric nurses which might justify wearing cartoon characters on their tops.

The unshapely boxy look is flattering for no one.

I do not want to flash my goodies every time I lean over to take care of my patients.

The ability to pull off wearing Pepto Bismol pink or purple pants ended when I went through puberty.

Elastic waist pants are something my grandmother would wear.

Drawstring pants give you a bunchy bottom and constantly have to be retied.

What's wrong with a button and a zipper like normal people? I'm sure men wearing scrubs would appreciate the zipper feature.

I do not think I can justify spending more money on scrub tops and pants, that will get covered in blood and body fluids, than I do on my everyday clothes.

All white...are you kidding me? I'm no scarey Nurse Ratched.

I am a professional and would like to buy a look that reflects that at a reasonable price.

All that said, you're likely to find me wearing a pink polka dot top with turquoise drawstring pants this winter because that's all they had in my price range. Way to start my nursing career looking like a tart.

Thankful

I am thankful for many things this year...

I am thankful my husband watched the kids this afternoon so that I could go see an afternoon movie...sorry the baby cried so much.

I am thankful that my family is healthy.

I am thankful I have a roof over my head. And not just any roof, the roof is attached to a home I love.

I am thankful for heat and nutritious food on the table.

I am thankful I have a job to start in less than 3 weeks.

I am thankful that my children are loving, thriving, and make my life fun.

I am thankful that my husband balances me out and is my biggest fan.

I am thankful that my husband is an awesomely hard worker, despite adversity.

I am thankful for good friends that I can be myself around.

I am thankful for love, life, liberty, and happiness.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Less Weighty Matters

I am psyched that I fit into my prepregnancy jeans (with room), have hit my breastfeeding weight (I accept 5 extra pounds for boobs, milk, and reserves), and I feel great. I still have my little cupcake to thank for my muffin top, but it's nothing pilates and a little time won't fix.

Just in time for holiday sweets.

Lazy Blogger

My husband argues that 'lazy' is not a word that he would ever use to describe me. Regardless, I have been slack about blogging. Mostly because I don't imagine anyone would find child rearing as interesting a topic as I do. How many times can I post about a good or bad night's sleep with an infant? The big girls are pretty easygoing. They have their moments, but really don't get into any notable antics.

We're gearing up for the holiday season and my return to full-time work. I am definitely concurrently very excited and sad at the same time. I know Bridget will be in good hands and will not starve, despite staunch refusal of the bottle. She's a smart cupcake and will figure out the whole bottle eating thing. I'll stress over sleepless nights combined with busy days. But I also know that I will love my job, love my coworkers and love that I can help contribute to this family's money pot.

In this day and age, women can do anything they want. I am happy to be a living example to my girls that you can get an education, you can have a career, you can be a mom and a friend and a wife. Schedules get hectic and stressful, but it can be done. I do not want them to see work as a chore. Even when I've had jobs I don't like, it is still my responsibility as an adult. A means to an end. Life isn't always easy, but I will take on the challenge to balance it all in an effort to fulfill my need to be immersed in science, my desire to be a happy person, and to give my children the world. I will miss my girls during the day, but I will not lay on the guilt when I leave the house. Dad's never feel guilty for going to work because they know it is an integral part of sustaining a family.

But don't get me wrong, on my days off I am going to be organizing playdates, overseeing homework, and snuggling my babies.

On that note, here are some pics of my cute babies that we took because Autumn is 4 (and then she'll 5 and then 6....she volunteers that to everyone who will listen).

Gramma's Birthday Brownie to Autumn

Daddy and Bridget Sitting Side-by-side

Monkey Party Games

"Autumn is 4. I'm very smart for my size."

Not a good picture of me, but it is such a rare event I figured I'd post it anyway.

I'm Amazed

I have seen enough in life, that there are few that surprise me. They may disappoint me or warm my heart or make me shake my head, but I've read enough news and seen enough crazy antics that the shock factor has greatly diminished.

Of course, all of this to say a few things have taken me by surprise of late. Like exactly how much weight my baby cupcake has packed on in just two short months. She is already 14 lb 5 oz! I never thought I would be so successful at breastfeeding or that my kids had it in them to be so plump and juicy. I am also still in mild shock over how easygoing she is. She sleeps like no child of mine ever has. Yesterday she got her 2 month vaccines and was irritable for about an hour that afternoon. It was the longest she has been fussy her whole life (with the exception of the torture that is the car). I was surprised at how much I missed her smiles when they returned later that evening.

I am also amazed at just how many bad things can happen to one family in a single year. I had visions of what life could be like this year....I'd graduate from school and then we'd be two-income earning family again. We would finally have time and money to have a baby, find our family and friends in good health, sign the girls up for sports and dance, buy a bigger car, maybe put a deck in the "backyard", get a cafe table for the kitchen so that all of us have a place to sit, a new wardrobe for Brian, and gasp....maybe even a family vacation to somewhere we've never been before. Needless to say, I wouldn't be blogging this if it had all come true.

The material things like cars and furniture are really meaningles when you put things in perspective. The vision quickly changed when Brian lost his job. The economy continued a downward spiral that has made it a challenge to find work in this town. Far too many friends and family have fallen ill or passed away this year. Brian is away this very moment at his grandmother's funeral. Cars have been totalled, marriages have fallen apart, housing prices have plummetted.

The truly amazing thing is how resilient I have discovered I can be and I've learned not to stress about the little things. So we are wedged into our car like sardines...it just keeps us close and at least I have a car. Our home value is in the toilet, but I love my house and it's big enough and I don't have to move any time soon. I secured a new grad nurse job amidst a hiring freeze and will work every weekend night if that is what I have to do to help keep this family afloat. Brian has relentlessly job hunted, received freelance work from generous friends and colleaugues all while being stay-at-home-dad while I finished up school. I appreciate that life can be simple again..who needs fancy sports leagues and expensive clubs when I've got playdates and sports equipment. We can teach the girls soccer ourselves and I love turning our living room into an impromptu dance club, "Say, Hey". We are a stronger family for our struggles.

I am thankful that we did, in fact, have a healthy baby girl added to our family. And even though we've survived this year, I look forward to the day that life is a little more secure, a little easier and a little roomier. When that day comes, I will be amazed.

Blog or FB

FB has created conflict for this blog. To post pics here or to FB. I do like to tell a story with my pics, which makes me want to post them here. But my FB friends that aren't clamoring to write this web address into their computer wouldn't get any peaks at the kiddos. I hate to post the same pics to both places, but let's be honest....you really only want the best of the best immortalized on the web. I hate to play favorites and pic one audience as the more deserving of cute pictures. Admittedly, my FB friends are more boisterous commenters than the lurkers on this blog. Yes, I have heard that there are readers out there. Do not be afraid to post a comment. Really, it isn't painful and you can't hurt my feelings. Oh, the dilemma. Chances are it will not resolved any time soon, so without further adieu, here are some pics.

The girls wanted to be Kit Kittredge for Halloween this year. If you are not familiar with the Amercian Girl doll, here's a picture:

Kit Kittredge Dress (made by yours truly for $6 with fabric, fabric glue and a zipper)

Abigail as Kit, Complete with News Article

Brian and Abigail Carving a Pumpkin Carriage

Autumn with her Glass Slipper Pumpkin

Autumn as Kit Kittredge--not wanting her picture taken

Pumpkin Baby

Tummy Time

Autumn actually wanted me to take her picture, incredible.
Craft Head

I Am Alphabet Soup

It's official, I am a nurse.

After completing the NCLEX, a test almost as ridiculous as the scenario portion of the CNL exam, I have completed the last step in becoming a registered nurse. Liscencing complete. I wish I could say that I will get a break from learning all sorts of new things, but I will likely spend the first year of my career becoming familiar with my patient population and aquiring all the skills that go along with caring for them. While I am grateful that the learning never ends, it will be nice to go to a job with some level of comfort in regards to my duties that day. It's exhausting when you are in learning mode 24-7 like I have been the last couple of years.

But, I am going to enjoy the hell out of the next couple of months that I have home with the little ladies. I don't have school or tests hanging over my head and I can just sit back and enjoy this time.

Thank you all for the support and enouragement during this adventure. I certainly could not have done it without lots of help, patience and understanding from friends and family.

And now I can sign my name as:

Mrs. Kerri Murphy, BS, MFS, MSN, RN, CNL, MOM

But at the end of the day I'm just the same old Kerri you have known and loved for years.

A Little Lighter

Well, to follow-up with my weight rant, I will share the good news. I had my six-week post-partum appointment and I am now 25 pounds lighter than my last pre-delivery weigh-in. I still have 5 pounds to go before I hit my breastfeeding weight. This means I still don't fit into my favorite pair of jeans, but hopefully that will happen soon enough. I also don't dig sporting the muffin top that has come along with my lack of tone. Now that I have a clean bill of health; it is time to go for long walks, do some situps and get this body back into shape.

Brian has also been losing weight, but I won't steal his thunder and tell you how much.

Looks like it is only the under seven crowd that is gainig weight and that is exactly as it should be.

A Moment of Thanks

I realize my life wouldn't be nearly as fun, relaxing, or enriched if it weren't for my husband. For starters, he was the bomb during grad school (both times). Especially this latest round that required juggling of children and schedules and money and craziness. He was super awesome labor support. This past 5 weeks (has it really been 5 weeks since Bridget was born?!), he has been super dad getting the eldest off to the bus stop in the AM and taking the middle one to speech on Thursdays. This has netted me an extra hour of sleep every day, for which we are all thankful. A tired cranky mom makes for a tired cranky house. I also want to thank Bridget for being such a fantabulous crib sleeper.

Brian also helped me rearrange the guest room and the girls' rooms yesterday after the clutter was driving me batty. I know it wasn't on his Top 10 list of fun things to do on a Wednesday afternoon, but he did it without complaint. We threw away a ton of toys, set Abigail up with a distraction-free homework station, and garnered the big girls more play space in their shared room. There is no way I could lifted and pushed around that much furniture, but my sanity has been saved.

THANK YOU, BRIAN!!!

Weighty Matters

Bridget had her one month appointment today. Chubby cupcake has gained almost THREE pounds. She is now a plump and juicy 11 pounds 2 ounces. I know one should never compare their children, but since there is no judgment in the following (just a statment of the facts) I am going to proceed. All three girls were 22 inches long at 1 month, so the playing field is even. However, Abigail was only 7 lbs 6 oz (5 oz less than her birth weight) and Autumn was 9 lbs 7 oz (2 pounds over her birth weight). Needless to say I take a little pride in how much better the breastfeeding duos have improved over the years.

Now, as I told the nurse, if only each pound gained by Bridget was one pound lost by me. This is the part that I imagine no one will care much about, except for me. Maybe you enjoy reading the trials and tribulations of others. Either way, keep in mind that this is all relative to me and I get that others have much more significant weight struggles. But, since this is my blog, I get to write about mine.

I hope you're good at math because the following is going to make your head spin. With Abigail I gained 24 pounds when I hit maximum density. I can't say the weight came off early, but that kid nursed every 3 hours around the clock for 4 months and never slept. The exhaustion melted the weight off (and a few hours on the elliptical). With Autumn I gained 21 pounds...still hit the exact same maximum density, but that's because I started out a few pounds heavier. I was into my pre-pregnancy jeans within a month. I don't say this to be all 'look at me', but to give context to my current distress.

This pregnancy I started out 10 pounds lighter than my second pregnancy, but more than made up for over the next 9 months. 40 pounds later (YIKES!) I hit maximum density + 7 and thankfully delivered Bridget. Having never been that heavy, I spent each passing day just hoping I wouldn't get stretch marks or gain yet another pound. The good news is I didn't get any stretch marks (although I will enjoy my linea nigra while it lasts) and I've lost 23 pounds. But I feel like I'm never going to be able to wear cute clothes again. I've never worn maternity clothes after delivery because I can usually get by with gym shorts and my one pair of super-sized post partum jeans. This time around I blame the weather because it's too cold to wear my stretchy shorts, but not cold enough to break out the sweats. I know, my post partum look just screams high fashion. Just be thankful I shower and shave every day. I think what has been making me feel particularly doughy and frumpy is the fact that I can't fit into any of my shirts. They are all too small. So I've been wearing maternity shirts. They have plenty of stretch to them, but are not really designed to be slimming.

The long and the short of it is, I'm really just feeling the need to complain, I'm being unrealistic in the status of my body, and I'm reminding myself that I will get my pre-baby body back once I feel up to exercising. Bridget's pregnancy was so different from my other two that I suppose I just wasn't prepared for the unexpected. Can you ever be?

Of course if carrying a few extra pounds right now is the price to pay for a well-fed, sleeping baby, then I will quit my complaining. Besides, I've only got 7 pounds to lose until I hit my breastfeeding weight and 12 to hit my norm (I have no desire to strive for my pre-Bridget weight since it was about 5 pounds lighter than my norm and would actually be an effort to maintain). Have the numbers lost you yet?

A Post of Pics

Abigail and Her Pretty New Glasses

I'm Foaming at the Mouth...I've got Ba-bies!

I Have No Control Over the Muscles in My Face

Autumn Will Only Let Me Take Her Picture if Bridget is in the Shot

Precious

I LOVE All the Pink!

Sleeping, Unswaddled, Having Startled Several Times...Did I Say Sleeping?!!!

Breast Milk and Beer: A Comparison

Sadly, it has take until baby #3 for this epiphany to occur to me.

In this scientific comparison, it is a baby drinking the breast milk and an adult of legal age partaking in the beer.

#1- Just a couple of sips and you get very relaxed
#2- Drink enough and you'll pass out.
#3- Drink too much and you'll throw it all up (this does not deter you from going back for more).
#4- Both can give you the shits.
#5- Both are better drunk from the tap, but a bottle of either will suffice.
#6- Baby milk and beer can really pack on the pounds.
#7- It's ok for milk to be nursed. However, you will be made fun of by your friends for nursing your beer.

Am I missing anything?

Just Enjoying Life

I really have nothing to say. Life has been good. We've really enjoyed having Bridget join our family. She seems to bring out the sweeter, more patient side of everyone. She has given us a week and a half of surprising good sleep (surely not meant to last) and she cries less than the big girls. Friends and family have brought us meals we've enjoyed and appreciated. So, I'll post a few pictures because I'd rather be off the computer living my life, than writing about it.

Look at My Baby Blues

Bridget Meeting Her Cousin Quinn

Snoozing

With Biggest Sister Abigail

With New Big Sister Autumn

First Time Out in the World

1 Day Old

The Birth Story

Bridget Elise Murphy

09/04/09

8 lbs 7 oz. 21 inches

The adventure actually began seven years ago when we found out we were pregnant with Abigail, the illogical reasoning began in high school. The illogical reasoning is this: sometimes I choose to do something just to see if I can. I gave up red meat when I was 16 not because of the poor injustice to animals or because I think it's bad for you. I just wanted to see if I could. I have now spent more than half my life not eating red meat. About the same time I gave up pork (mostly because I'm not a huge fan of pork chops and other cuts of pig. Your parents will make you eat it if you don't like it, but if you no longer eat pork, well....I again proved to myself that I could do something, just because). So, when I weighed my labor pain management options, the top of the list was to go unmedicated....just to see if I could. With Abigail it was after 15 hours of labor and 8 cm that I got an epidural (it may seem last minute, but she stalled at 8 for about 4 hours). With Autumn, I went for a midwife because certainly I would get the support I needed to achieve my goal....not so much. During transition she insisted I "had to really want it." Listen lady, no one really WANTS it during transition, this is the point you say "you can do it, you're almost there"...even if it's a big fat lie. 30 minutes after the epidural I was ready to push. All of that to get to present day.

Babigyrl Murphy was due August 23rd. After an intensive grad program and being on my feet for long shifts, I thought for certain she would come early. My others were "overdue", but I felt like I was tempting fate having a due date so close to graduation. Clearly I had nothing to worry about.

The Belly- 41 weeks (5 days before delivery)

At ten days after my due date, my midwife and I discussed "the plan" to get this baby out into the world. Thank goodness the word induction was enough to scare our little lady out. I had already prepared for an induction, feeling disappointed and relieved, when I went to bed Thursday night. Around 3:30 AM I got up to go to the bathroom (again) when I heard a POP! Having never had my water break until delivery was emminent, I was not quite sure what to do. My first reaction was clinical, time, color, amount... I was hoping for a trickle, as some women describe, but I was not so lucky. Seriously, talk about messy. We don't get to choose, but I much prefer not having my water break. I am also very thankful that I was not in bed or some other fabric covered surface when it occured. Gross.

After a brief pondering, I decided to wake Brian up to get the in-laws over to the house. This at least gave me piece of mind that we could leave at a moment's notice if labor was faster than I expected. Called my midwife at 5 AM to give her the FYI. She was giddy. Contractions were minimal, so I decided to lay down for a bit. BIG MISTAKE. That brought on a huge contraction. At 6:30, it was time to call the midwife and get to the other side of town before things got unmanageable. I was 7 cm and still felt pretty good. It was all back labor again, but for some reason I was able to relax, open my eyes, and converse in-between contractions (in sharp contrast to my other two labors).

Brian was amazing during labor. He got all caught up in my midwife's excitement for each contraction. He began to welcome them, instead of fear them. He was the perfect counter-pressure masseuse during the intense contractions. Once we were at the hospital, it was time to use the birthing ball to encourage descent. It was quite comfortable, almost too comfortable. I actually had an 8 minutes reprieve and began to wonder if it was slowing things down when I had one of two incredibly memorable contractions. Hurt so bad I was asking for an emesis basin(yes, even in all the pain, I was still formal...no puke bucket for me.) That was the sign my midwife needed to get the jacuzzi tub going.

Me Just After One Serious Contraction

Still Managing to Get Comfort in the Breaks

Can I just say I am IN LOVE with the jetted tub. I know some may find it over-stimulating, but it felt amazing. I'm sure the contractions were still there, but I only felt the peaks. I wasn't able to fall asleep in between, but it was so comfortable. It was also nice not to be hooked up to IV fluids that would eventually make me look all puffy and bloated. No constant heart rate monitors and other cords that would keep me from moving into a comfortable position.

Brian's poor fingers really took a pinching. It may not seem like a lot, but I got great comfort just knowing they were always there for me to grab onto. Despite the pain, I was amazed at how warm the water stayed. At home it always cools off too quickly. Turns out they had to add ice water to cool the bath back down because a laboring woman generates so much heat that I was actually raising the water temperature! Insane. Memorable contraction number two had me wanting to puke again. This is when I overheard my midwife tell my husband, "We're having a baby!"

It was out of the tub and time to deliver. Let me just say it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. Words really can't describe it. Then I hear "the baby is crowning." What, what, what? That's all. At that point I thought her head was halfway out! Only crowning!! Well, if she's crowning then just pull her out, why don't you? After an eternity (more like five minutes), she was finally with us in this world. I looked down at the baby on my chest and saw the head full of black hair and wondered, "who's baby is this?" I know it just came out of me, but my others looked so much alike, a light dusting of copper hair, blue eyes, pale skin.... But Bridget was beautiful and together (with a team great supporters) we accomplished my totally illogical goal for a completely unmedicated birth.

Bridget Elise

If any of you had the opportunity to talk to me this day, I apologize for the less than enthusiastic conversation. I was beyond exhausted. It took all the energy I could muster just to keep breathing. I'm sure I seemed rude, but I really was happy to talk to you. I really was thrilled and happy to meet my new Baby Bridget, but I had nothing left to express myself.

This Picture Perfectly Captures My Exhaustion

My Amazing Midwife

Bridget was born on her sister's birthday and we were honored.

Mommy and Baby All Cleaned Up

Autumn is Officially a Big Sister

Proud Papa, My Amazing Husband

Abigail Meeting Bridget

Tickle Toes

Daddy's Three Princess

Now the question is, had I known then, what I know now, would I go au'naturale again? Maybe. I'm glad I did it. I feel empowered and know that I can do anything I set my mind, too. But I have a new appreciation for the pain relief I received with my epidurals.

Welcome to the world and your family, Bridget Elise.

It's Started!!!!!

Water broke almost 2 hours ago. Some contractions. It's about time.

12 days past the due date.

If You're in Chicago

I can't possibly sum it up better than Brian did on his website.

Please follow the link if you would like to help a well-deserving family member and a chance to tell cancer to bugger off.

http://mightyshamrock.livejournal.com/
Entry: Not Only A Good Cause, Sept. 3, 2009

Might As Well Take Advantage of My Time

Since I've got more time...I figured I would download some pictures. We have a new camera and I love it. I've been playing around with it some. They're nothing fancy, but it takes pictures super fast and crisp. Plus, the girls are now obsessed with having their picture taken.

My Little Egghead

My Little Princess

The Girls Giving the Baby Some Love

Girls Gawking at the Big Ol' Baby Tummy

Can You Find the Moth?

Baby Turtle, Slipped Under the Water Awfully Fast

Autumn Loves the Flowers, I Love Her Hair

Autumn Missed Abigail

Big Girl Autumn (insisted I get her shoes in the picture)

No Dice

Well, the midwife appointment was less eventful than I had hoped. Not sure what I was expecting. Despite my knowledge to the contrary, I think many pregnant women look to their care providers as if they might have a crystal ball in their brains. Each appointment they hope to hear "you'll deliver this week or tomorrow is the day" despite that being totally illogical. You anxiously await the internal exam hoping that their is significance in the numbers, after all, doesn't 3 cm sound like you are closer to the onset of labor than 1 cm? You'd be wrong, but it sounds like it should. For the record, I'm at two. Why am I discouraged when I know this number to be meaningless? If this post has already given you the TMI willies, then check back in on another day.

At over 41 weeks, you start investigating ways to get the show on the road in hopes of avoiding a pharmaceutical induction. Despite personal evidence to the contrary (and not much scientific data to back it up), stripping of membranes is the next step to encourage the uterus to stop slacking and do its job. Alas, if your cervix is too posterior (like mine was), even this feeble attempt can not be performed. And nipple stimulation with a breast pump to promote the release of oxytocin...really it just makes you sore. Evening Primrose oil? Take it orally or apply it directly to the cervix...well, so long is there is no harm, why not?! I draw the line at castor oil. Because it's only effective if your body was ready to deliver anyway, so now you've taken the awful tasting stuff and have to deal with the shits while you're in labor. How is that a good idea?

So, I've got another appointment tomorrow afternoon to discuss "the plan" and a biophysical profile. Thought this was going to happen Monday, but there really was no indication, especially since this is not my first adventure past my due date and the baby is not going to be far off from average. Guess I'll post more tomorrow. If not baby news, then appointment fun it will be.

Missed Her Window

I'm sure most people sneaking a peek at this blog are also on FB. If you're not, the posting hiatus does not mean that I have delivered. I've just been lazy.

When I was pregnant with Abigail, I delivered 9 days past my due date (went into labor on Day 8, but it was 19.5 hours and spilled into Day 9). Somewhere around 4 days past due, I arrived at a very Zen place. Rather than anxiously believe I could deliver at any moment, I'd decided that I'd missed my window and it just wasn't going to happen. We all know that the baby has to get out eventually, but it made those last few days much more relaxing. Well, I reached that stage a couple of days ago. I'm 8 days past my due date and I just figure she's missed her chance.

I will keep everyone posted, as I have a midwife appointment this afternoon (won't even acknowledge the ginormous amount of weight I've gained with this pregnancy...starting out lighter does not comfort my ego in the slightest) which will lead to an ultrasound appointment to check amniotic fluid levels, movement, heart rate, etc... Hopefully by evening we will have a plan of action and an end date in mind, but I'm hoping that this lady comes on her own. Abigail has placed her bets on tomorrow. Let's hope she's right!

Sometimes You Can't Escape Your Education

No baby. Just to answer the question you were checking this site for.

I took Abigail to the allergist to see how much peanut she could eat before having a reaction. The baby cooperated and is still snuggly in my uterus. Despite it being the first week of school, we were willing to interrupt the routine to gather some important information about our daughter's allergy. Major let-down.

Upon scheduling the appointment (two months ago), they give no special instructions. They give you a reminder call the day before, and-oh-btw, please be sure you haven't given your child any anti-histamine for 48 hours. Well, too late for that. It is summertime and seasonal allergies are alive an well. If allergies weren't an issue for us, we wouldn't be regular visitors at the allergist, right? The nice lady tells us it should be ok and to come in anyway. We arrive, pay our co-pay (not cheap), go over Abigail's history, subject her to another scratch test to get a more relevant picture, only for the doc to say...."she really should be off her anti-histamine for 4-5 days to get an accurate response from the skin test and ingestion test." So, now we have to reschedule (another 2 month wait), I've interrupted an already stressful first week of school for my daughter, stressed over whether I would have to cancel last minute due to labor, all to find out nothing and have to come again.

This is the point that I can not escape my education. I think to myself if only a system had been in place to give the "heads-up" phone call a week in advance. If only they had conveyed that anti-histamines should be stopped for 4-5 days, not just 2 then this all could have been avoided. Instead, I wasted a lengthy appointment that could have better been filled by a new patient or several established patients. I spent time and money (resources in short supply these days) on something completely unproductive. As trendy as healthcare reform is these days, I can't help but see this as just another way that the system can be improved. It wouldn't cost a dime and the solution is not that complicated. A few simple changes can really go a long way to improving what is broken. I love our allergist, but everyone has room for improvement.

Looks like we'll try again in November and maybe I won't put the whole experience under a microscope again.

The Waiting Game

Well, we seem to be doing a lot of waiting this year.

When will Brian get an interview for the all the jobs he's applied to?

Brian got an interview, when will they let us know if he has the job?

Repeat

I interview for nursing positions..oh a hiring freeze....when will I know if I have a job, let alone one on a unit I want?

Financial aid is behind, when will they be cutting checks?

Someone is having surgery, when will we hear they did ok?

Baby was due three days ago, when will she get here?!

Some of these questions have already been answered, but many are still unknowns. Many keep repeating themselves, only to leave us waiting some more. I am typically a pretty patient person, but I could really use a little predictability in my life. At least the option to look at the full hand and run through the various ways it will play out. I've tried to keep busy, but I am running out of distractions. While I will still be in waiting mode for some of these questions, I know for certain I will have one very tiny and adorable distraction in no more than 10 days.

Until then, I'll keep my ears open for all the shoes to drop.

Curious Ticker

I've enjoyed the funny baby ticker I've had at the top of my blog for the last 32 weeks or so. I'm quite curious what it will say tomorrow or if the programmer decided to come up with quippy comments for 40 weeks, then quit. Given that 42 weeks is still within the realm of normal, I will be disappointed to have my ticker achieve it's conclusion before I achieve mine, delivery. I will also not be surprised.

Just keeping it low key today. Brian is working on freelance work and I'm trying to stand as little as possible. Mostly because this baby loves to give me inguinal charley horses that make my right leg give out on me and are most uncomfortable. Also, my midwife is out of town today. I figure, she ought to be back by late evening, so I would probably be safe going into labor sometime around dinner time. She ought to be back on call by the time I need her services. I can get through the first 70% of labor on my own. It's just that last hurdle that I need help with.

We'll see what tomorrow's morning appointment holds in store for us. A biophysical profile for early in the week and more waiting? We shall see.

What Really Matters

Despite my previous posts, I am reminded today that it does not really matter when our baby arrives. We have no control over when we are born or when we die. Along the way, we will face challenges with jobs, disease, and family. While there is nothing I can do to control the inevitable, I can control how I respond to it. I can stress less about the "what ifs" that may or may not be and focus more on what is real and in front of me. I won't give up planning and organizing what little I do have control over, but the rest I will just take as it comes and come out the other side better and stronger for it.

In Case You Are Following

No baby today. Autumn keeps saying the baby is still getting bigger until it 'pops' out. Makes me feel like Jiffy Pop.

Never know who really follows this blog. I imagine many of the followers are also on FB and are probably aware that I am still at home. I know some moms are great at tweeting, FB, blogging during labor, but I don't forsee that being me. The pain is overwhelming and I can really handle being separated from technology for 8-24 hours. For those of you anxiously awaiting, we will announce as soon as marvelled over our newest addition. She's ours and I'll be greedy and not feel guilty for keeping her off the web a whole 6-12 hours. Of course, I'm equally guilty of anxiously awaiting those first pics, the name and the basic stats.

I know, I know...I have no say over when she makes an appearance, but it would be very gracious of her to either come tomorrow or Friday or she should just wait a week. As I've mentioned, my midwife is out of town on Sunday. I can manage any other day (despite what is to follow), but not Sunday. My brother has surgery on Tuesday and it would be equally nice for my mom to meet her granddaughter fresh out of the oven and be with her son's family during their stress. If push comes to shove, my little lady will be just as tiny and cuddly 2 days after she is born. Both kids have appointments next Thurdsay at the same time, but at two different places. This would be much easier to accomplish with two parents. Once could be rescheduled, but still. Plus, Tuesday is the first day of school. Brian is a pro at getting the girls up and Abigail on the bus, but I would still like to see her off that first day.

So, if I may be so bold as to request from you, NuBaby Murphy....Please come in the next 48 hours, if not get comfy and wait until September. Thanks!

39 and 3

Well, no baby yet. I've decided she was ready to come last week when I had all my aches and pains. But then I fell and bumped her back up. She's head down, but not nearly as snuggly in my pelvis as she was before. Sorry, lady. Actually, the pregnancy has been quite comfortable the last few days-- the knee is killing me, but not the belly.

I've just about completed her stocking. It really helped to have a name. Abigail keeps trying to sneek a peek at what name I've put on the stocking, but I won't let her see lest she spill the beans. I guess I wasn't clear because when I told her not to peek at the Christmas stocking, she asked, "I don't get to know her name until Christmas?" Silly girl. Of course she'll get to know the name as soon as the baby arrives.

Today was a double playdate day for Abigail, I'm picking up my diploma, and meeting up with a friend for a refreshing beverage. Tomorrow is Open House and we get to meet Abigail's teacher and learn what the daily schedule will be like for her. I imagine several forms to be filled out will accompany this event.

So, I suppose the baby can come any day. Brian can do most of this stuff, if I'm recovering at the hospital. My midwife has made just one request....I can not have this baby on my due date. She will be out of town that day. While her backup MD is very nice, I really don't want someone to just come in and catch the baby. I want my midwife there to encourage me, run me a bath, massage my back, suggest the birthing ball, keep me out of the bed and moving around. So, let's hope she cooperates. The other girls always accomodated Brian's print deadlines, so I figure the least this one can do is pick any other day to be born besides her due date. The chances of that happening are statistically low, anyway.

tick....tock....tick.....tock.....

39 weeks

The waiting game is on. Now that the name has been decided, I'm getting ancy. I feel like I've finally done everything that I need to prepare for this new little lady and now it's just a matter of waiting for the other shoe (errr...baby) to drop. I am enjoying the time I have left with just two kids. Two is so easy. I should relax while I can. If you know me at all, you know I am horrible at doing nothing productive. At the same time, I would love to have a September baby so that Babigyrl can have a fun sounding birthday like her big sisters. Abgail has 05-04-03, Autumn has 11-11-05 and it's a holiday...wouldn't it be neat if we had a 09-01-09? Again, nothing I have control over and is meaningless in the big scheme of things, but it's still fun to me.

The next couple of weeks are going to be particularly busy. We got Abigail's first grade teacher assignmnet, we've got open house this week, then school starts a week from Tuesday. Throw in dentist appointments for the little ones, a peanut challenge for the big one, and an opportunity for a freelance gig for Brian as editor-for-the-day and our schedule is packed. It would also be nice to get my summer financial aid money before the baby arrives, especially since I have been done with school for 2 weeks now and will be picking up my degree this week. I am shocked and appauled that they were 13 weeks behind on cutting checks. I don't want to be sitting in financial aid with a 2 day old trying to hunt down the person who can end this confusion.

I'll keep ya'll posted if I feel any twinges of labor. My midwife says that all third time moms have at least one round of false labor, but at this stage in the game, I think I am comfortable with assuming any significant contractions are the real deal.

Random Aches and Pains

Well, it seems for me that the third pregnancy is much achier than the first two. Again, I acknowledge that I am better off than most and some of the aches and pains are my own making. Like yesterday, I was at the pool with the girls when I see Autumn about eat the pavement. With the gracefulness of an elephant (and the weight of one, too), I leap out of the water and attempt to catch her before she skins her knees. Not only did I not reach her in time, but I came crumbling down like a Godzilla and skinned my knees. I surprised you didn't feel a small earth quake around 4 pm yesterday. And the ironic part is, Autumn didn't even skin her knees. Of course, a 38+ week pregnant lady falling freaks a lot of people out. I tried to reassure everyone I was fine, the belly did not make contact with the concrete and it's no biggie if this catastrophe sent me into labor because....38+ weeks, hello? Really I just felt embarassed that my own arms can't hold up my upper body anymore. This is very reminiscent of when I was prenant with Abigail. I was 40 weeks and tripped up my front porch. Got a huge scrape and bruise on my knee. Still didn't deliver for another 9 days and every time they said "pull back on your knees and give a big push" I cringed because everyone kept poking the still-healing, and quite painful, scab. Looks like I will have to accomodate a bum knee again during labor, only this time I'm hoping to find a less traditional, and scab-poking- way to push this baby out. Needless to say, my body now aches like a post car accident victim.

I have also had my first experiences looking like the characters on tv that go into labor who looks normal one moment, then doubles over in pain declaring a sudden and intense onset of labor. I mimicked this unrealistic portrayal of labor while waiting in line to return some items. Babigyrl (as my friends have named her) gave a whopping kick to the cervix-or possibly just engaged- forcing me to hunch over a little, grimace and control my breathing. Poor lady behind the counter asked me if I was okay, with a look of fear that I might deliver a baby right there in the store. I reassured her it was just a really strong kick, but I don't think I was very convincing.

Luckily, my doozy of a day was topped off with Girl's Night Out, turned into Surprise Baby Shower. I was just excited to finally catch up with friends after a gruelling 2 years of nursing school. The company was the best part. We got enjoy sitting out on the restaurant patio, I ate a delicious turtle cheesecake, I was relaxed and surrounded by friends. And as an added bonus, they came bearing gifts. I got cute little girl outfits with ruffle bottoms, gift cards (because we need lots of diapers), and a sleek new diaper bag (not too bulky, not too tiny, stylish even for dad to carry, and absent of 6 years worth of cheerio crumbs). They even joined it up with some cards and gifts for graduating from school. I'm not an overly gushy person, but I have been very touched by the support from friends for our new Babigyrl, my endeavours in grad school, and our seemingly endless journey in unemployment. With such a great group of friends, I know that we will always have someone there to rely on and remind us of what really matters in life. The very basic of necessities and a handful of incredible relationships.

THANKS LADIES!!

No Time for a Baby

I have so much to do this week that I really don't have time to deliver a baby. Hopefully she will hold out.

Brian and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary yesterday. That means we've been together for 11 years. The time has absolutely flown by. I have to be honest, I love being married. I know some people say it's 'a lot of work', but I have always found that the best relationships are the ones that come naturally. No doubt we've been faced with the stresses of parenting, moves, unemployment and grad school (twice). While those have been challenging, I wouldn't say they made us have to work harder at being married. With communication and compromise, we can plow through the tough life stuff and enjoy the good stuff. Happy 8th Anniversary Brian. I love you through and through.

No Time for Words

I shall try to sum up the latest hiatus in pics. No baby pics yet, folks, but we've been plenty busy around here.

A generous and well-organized classmate of mine hosted a baby shower for me and my pregnant classmates. Loads of fun and very generous gifts. Thanks ladies and gentlemen.

Then I presented my Capstone Project and was officially done with school work! This is what was waiting for me when I arrived home thanks to Brian and my Mom and my friend Marie.

Then I had my graduation and pinning ceremony.

I devoured the Twilight series thanks to a friend of a friend that kept my supply up.

I've lived in C-ville for 5 years and have never tried Sticks. A real shame, but it was tastey.

Took my mom to the Kluge-Ruhe Aboriginal Art Museum for her birthday. Awesome.

This week is just as busy. I'm down to weekly appointments with my midwife every Monday. We're going out for our 8 year anniversary on Tuesday. I've got a date with my girlfriends to catch up after my very busy summer (and my BFF who has been out of town for over a month). After that, I think the baby can arrive (so long as it is before 3 days before the first day of school, or one day after). Not that I have any say, but the other girls were very good at abiding by deadlines and I'm hoping this little lady is no exception.

Intriguing, I know...